


100 SONG FICS [DISCONTINUED]

by Saiainohito



Category: Miyavi (Musician), the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Aoiha - Freeform, F/M, Fanfiction, M/M, Oneshot, Reituki, Yaoi, gazerock, visualkei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-01-25 05:28:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21350989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saiainohito/pseuds/Saiainohito
Summary: I have been dared to do 100 Song One-shots. I will need help, so send your pairing/song requests my way!includes malexmale, and femalexmale
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. MASQUERADE (ReitaxAoixKai)

_ **( The song for this song/fic is You belong with me by Taylor Swift)** _

**Masquerade**

Kai sat on the couch, waiting for the others so that they could start practicing. Why was he always early? Or was it that everybody else was always late?

Kai looked up as the door burst open, and Reita came in with an angry expression, yelling into his cell phone.

**You're on the phone**   
**With your girlfriend**   
**She's upset**   
**She's going off about**   
**Something that you said**   
**She doesn't get your humor**   
**Like I do**

"Well, what am I supposed to do? Well, how did I know? I'm sorry, but-..Aoi!" Reita spoke loudly, anger evident. Kai watched wide-eyed, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

**I'm in my room**   
**It's a typical Tuesday night**   
**I'm listening to the kind of music**   
**She doesn't like**   
**She'll never know your story**   
**Like I do**

"Look, we'll talk about this later! When I get home. It doesn't matter. Whenever I feel like it!" Reita said, hanging up the phone. Kai remained silent.

Reita had his back to him, not yet realizing that he wasn't alone.

"Are you ok?" Kai spoke up, causing Reita to jump.

"Oh, Kai, it's just you! You scared me!" Reita exclaimed, holding a hand to his chest.

"I'm sorry," Kai apologized, "What was that about?" Reita shook his head, walked over and sat beside Kai.

**But she wears short skirts**   
**I wear t-shirts**   
**She's cheer captain**   
**And I'm on the bleachers**   
**Dreaming about the day**   
**When you wake up and find**   
**That what you're looking for**   
**Has been here the whole time**

"It's nothing. Just another minor disagreement," he lied.

"Minor?" Kai asked, raising an eyebrow. Reita and Aoi have had a LOT of 'minor' disagreements lately.

It hurt Kai to see Reita so upset, and then try and put on a smile for the band that Kai could see right through.

**If you could see**   
**That i'm the one**   
**Who understands you**   
**Been here all along**   
**So why can't you**   
**See you belong with me**   
**You belong with me.**

"It's fine," Reita reassured him with a smile. A genuine smile, just for him. Kai loved that smile.

"Reita, I have something to tell you..." Kai spoke up. Reita looked up from the spot his was watching on the ground, and looked at Kai with curiosity.

"Yes, Kai?" he spoke quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Reita, I lov-..." Kai started, but was stopped as the door opened, and Ruki, Uruha, and Aoi came in. Ruki and Uruha were laughing about some joke that had been told before they showed up. Aoi was scowling, and looked like he was in a really bad mood. Kai and Reita moved away from where they were sitting close together.

**Walking the streets**   
**With you and your worn out jeans**   
**I can't help thinking**   
**This is how it ought to be**   
**Laughing on a park bench**   
**Thinking to myself**   
**Hey, isn't this easy?**

Aoi sat down beside Reita, wrapping his arms around his waist, and pulling him close, whispering his apologies into Reita's ear. Reita smiled warmly, and curled up to him. Kai frowned.

After practice, Kai started walking home when he heard Reita call him from behind.

"Kai! Wait up!" Kai turned around, and saw Reita running up to him, pulling a tired looking Aoi with him. Great. Why did he have to bring _him?_

"Didn't you have to tell me something?" Reita asked. Kai shook his head. He couldn't say it with Aoi around, now that they had made up.

"It was nothing." I love you. I want you, but you'll never want me. You have him.

"Are you sure?" Reita asked. Kai smiled and nodded. "Ok, well, I'll see you later then, I guess." Reita gave him another one of those genuine smiles before turning and walking away with Aoi.

**And you've got a smile**   
**That could light up this whole town**   
**I haven't seen it in awhile**   
**Since she brought you down**   
**You say you're fine**   
**I know you better than that**   
**Hey whatchu doing**   
**With a girl like that**

Kai sat at home, looking out over the sky from his deck as the sun descended down into its final farewell. Sighing, Kai found that the sunset resembled Reita. Always bright, and beautiful. But just like the sunset, Reita was moving away from him, leaving him; never to know how he felt.

It wasn't that Kai didn't like Aoi. He was fine. Aoi was always nice to him, no matter what mistake Kai made while playing. However, Kai still held Aoi responsible for Reita being upset. Whenever Aoi and Reita got into a fight, Reita would always come to Kai; upset. Kai would always be there for Reita.

**She wears high heels**   
**I wear sneakers**   
**She's cheer captain**   
**I'm on the bleachers**

The phone rang. Kai took it out of his pocket and looked at the call display. Reita.

"Hey, Reita," Kai answered. He listened as Reita told him excitedly about coming to a club with him and Aoi. Kai smiled, and told him that he would love to. Secretly, he wished that it would've just been him and Reita, and that Aoi wouldn't come, but he knew that it was an impossible wish.

At the club, Kai sat at the bar as Aoi and Reita danced. He was glad that Reita was having such a good time, but he didn't want to watch them. Holding his drink in hand, he got up, only to sit back down as he saw Reita coming over to him.

"Hey! Why don't you come dance?" Reita asked. Kai's heart skipped a beat. Did Reita just ask him to dance with him? "I'm sure that there are plenty of lucky guys out there for you." Kai heart sunk. He should've known better. Kai shook his head.

**Dreaming about the day**   
**When you wake up and find**   
**That what you're looking for**   
**Has been here the whole time**

"No, that's ok. I think I might just go home. I'm getting tired." Reita looked disappointed, but nodded his goodnight. Kai got to the door, only to see Aoi making out with a random guy. He stared, open mouthed. Glaring at him, his surprise turned to fury. Aoi was going to get a few words from him, and they were NOT going to be nice.

"A-Aoi?" a voice from behind Kai spoke before Kai had a chance to. Turning, Kai saw Reita. Oh, no. Aoi also turned to see Reita looking at him with a broken-hearted gaze.

"Face it, Reita. It was over anyways," Aoi said, before following the guy he had previously pinned against the wall. Kai hurried over to Reita.

"Reita, I'm so sorry," he whispered to him as he hugged him to him. This was not the time for selfishness. Reita needed him, and Kai would be there; like the good friend he was. That's all he ever would be to Reita was a friend.

**If you could see**   
**That i'm the one**   
**Who understands you**   
**Been here all along**

Almost a month later, Kai gets another call from Reita.

"Hey. Are you going to the masquerade?" he asked hopefully. Kai had heard about the New Years Party, but had decided to stay home. He wouldn't have had much fun anyways.

"No. I have to stay home, practice that new song that Ruki showed us," Kai said, quickly making up an excuse. He comforted himself that he wasn't lying to Reita. It was true. He DID have to practice the band's new song. He just didn't have to do it yet. It was a fairly simple song. Apparently Reita knew that, too.

"Come on, Kai. That song is easy, and with your talent! You could have it mastered in a hour. Come have some fun!" Kai sighed. He really hated to disappoint him.

"I'm sorry, Reita. I can't." Reita sighed, and was silent for a moment.

"Oh well. I guess when you're busy, you're busy. I wish you were coming."

**So why can't you**   
**See you belong with me**   
**Standing by and**   
**Waiting at your backdoor**

Kai opened the doors, and walked into the elegant hall, and saw a large group of people in beautifully made outfits dancing around the room, their faces hidden behind wonderfully decorated masks. His own outfit was rather eccentric. He wore tight black leather pants, with a slightly baggy black silk shirt that hung loosely around his arms, and tight across his waist. Two strings were tied with a loose knot near the top of the shirt, and he wore leather gloves to cover his hands. On his feet he wore large leather boots that had a slight heel to them. Since it was a masquerade, he wore a black mask to cover his eyes.

**All this time**   
**How could you not know**   
**Baby**   
**You belong with me**

There he was. Kai saw him walking aimlessly through the crowd, looking bored. Kai's breathing grew heavier as he saw Reita more towards the exit. He hurried after him, trying to get to the edge of the crowd before him.

**You belong with me.**

Kai stood there, transfixed, as he saw the one he loved move through the last of the crowd. Reita looked up, and saw Kai. He stared at him for a few seconds, before Kai walked over, silently offering his hand. Reita took it hesitantly, still not sure if he knew this mysterious stranger. Kai led Reita out to the middle of the floor, where they started dancing.

"Do I...know you?" Reita asked quietly, curiosity obvious on his face as he stared up into Kai's eyes.

**Oh, I remember**   
**You driving to my house**   
**In the middle of the night**   
**I'm the one who makes you laugh**   
**When you know you're about to cry**

Kai spoke not one word the entire night, but only continued to dance with the one that he has loved for so long, but could never have. With music playing in the background, it was Reita's perfect night, never stopping once until the countdown began and the champagne was poured. Kai took Reita's hand, and gently led him outside to the back garden. The trees were decorated with little white lights that stood out against the green leaves. Sitting on the white marble bench under the trees, Reita watched his mysterious dance partner.

**And I know your favorite songs**   
**And you tell me about your dreams**   
**Think I know where you belong**   
**Think I know it's with me**

Reita watched as the other began to take off the mask that covered his face.

"Wait," he said, stopping the other. Kai gave him a questioning look. Didn't he want to know who it was that he had spent the whole night with? All thoughts that were running through Kai's head stopped when he felt Reita's lips against his. Kai swore his heart stopped.

Then his mind registered what was going on, and kissed back, eagerly tasting the sweet taste that was uniquely Reita. Before he could let it get any farther, Kai pulled back, much to the dismay of the other.

Smiling, he ran his fingers down Reita's cheek as he looked up into Kai's eyes, waiting. Slowly, Kai reached up, and removed his mask.

**Can't you see**   
**That i'm the one**   
**Who understands**   
**Been here all along**   
**So why can't you see?**   
**You belong with me.**

Kai stood outside on his balcony, watching as the sun slowly rose into the sky. How beautiful the colors were, how vibrant and welcoming. He smiled as he felt a pair of arms wrap around his bare waist, and lips softly touch his shoulder.

"It's so beautiful," the voice of the man behind him said. Kai smiled, and turned around to look into the eyes of Reita, wrapping his own arms around the other's neck.

**Have you ever thought**   
**Just maybe**   
**You belong with me?**

"You are my sunrise."


	2. ENEMY (AoixUruhaxReita)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to spoil anything...but if you have triggers...that are easily triggered...probably dont read this one.

(The Enemy by The White Tie Affair)

**The Enemy**

**I come in late with no surprise  
you're always standing at the door with those angry eyes**

Aoi was in the living room, waiting anxiously for _him_ to return. He paced and paced and paced, but nothing seemed to help. He knew what _he_ was doing, and he didn't like it. The first few times, it hurt Aoi. Deep inside, it hurt. It hurt that_ he_ would do this to him, but after a while, Aoi had become emotionless towards _him_, and the horrible truth.

_He_ came in, looking at Aoi with tired eyes. _He _didn't even try to hide his exhaustion anymore. In _his_ point of view, Aoi had no idea what was going on, and was just upset that he was always 'working' late. Closing the door behind him, he moved past Aoi to sit on the couch, turning on the TV.

**you stayed up late just to start this fight**

"Where have you been?" Aoi spoke, venom almost _dripping_ from his mouth. The same inevitable question. The same answer, all the time.

"Work, of course. It's been a hard week," _he_ answered with a heavy sigh. It's been a hard week for three months now. Stupid lies. Always the same. Did he honestly believe that Aoi would never find out? Every night it was the same fight.

"Why are you never home anymore, Uruha?" Aoi asked, standing in front of him, arms crossed.

"Because I have to work so that I can afford to get you all the things you're always wanting; so that we can afford to continue to live here!" Uruha's argument. It was the same every night. The same things. Aoi would complain that he was never home, and Uruha would complain that Aoi was spending too much. In reality, there had not been one purchase, other than food, for a good six months.

**but my ears are getting tired I think ill call this a night**

Uruha shook his head. He wasn't going to listen to this. It wasn't as if Aoi knew that what he was actually doing was _far _less honourable than working late.

"I'm not listening to you going on and on all night. I'm going to bed," Uruha said, retreating to the bedroom.

**You keep on talking but I'm not listening**

Uruha could hear Aoi yelling at him from the living room. He ignored it all. There was no use listening to what Aoi had to say. It was always the same thing. The same mindless chatter. Uruha had had enough of it. This was the whole reason that he had been visiting the same certain house three times a week.

**I'll be the first to say I'm sorry just to be this to end**

There was no point for Aoi to continue, he knew that Uruha wasn't listening. He never did. He never got it. Uruha just couldn't see that Aoi knew. He _knew._ And still Uruha went out. Three times a night. To that house. Always the same house.

**You keep on talking but I'm not listening  
I'll be the first to say I'm sorry just to be this to end**

In the end, Aoi would still curl up behind Uruha, knowing that he wouldn't have him for much longer. He would whisper his apologies into his ear over and over again, until Uruha turned around. Until he would wrap his arms around Aoi, and then, and only then, would Aoi be able to forget what was going on behind his back. Able to forgive. Able to love.

**I know that its strange that straight to this very day  
I'll be the only one to say that I'm sorry without you**

"I'm sorry," was all it took for Uruha to forgive Aoi. He knew that what was happening wasn't supposed to. He knew that Aoi never deserved what Uruha did; and as much as Uruha tried to talk himself into believe that it was Aoi's fault, he never believed a word of it. Throughout the night, they would hold each other. Both knew what was happening to them, and neither one of them wanted to let go. Neither one.

**you know that its real don't make it a big deal  
I'll be the only one to say that I'm sorry without you**

In Aoi's mind, it was all the other person's fault. The one that tricked his beloved into straying from their path together. Why couldn't he have just stayed out of it? Now, every time that he saw his face, he wanted so desperately to punch him. To mess him up until nobody would be able to recognize him. But, alas, Aoi never did. He knew that the band was very special to Uruha, and he would never put it in jeopardy for his own selfish needs.

**You're always chiming in with your this and that  
your crying at my door like a pussy cat**

Even that one time that Aoi had decided to confront him. He had walked over to his house, stood in the doorway as he rang the bell; waiting anxiously for what he soon planned to do. But when the door opened, and he saw the blonde man standing there, with Kai's arm wrapped around his waist, he couldn't do it. Seeing Kai there, not knowing what his lover was doing behind his back. He didn't want to see Kai's always smiling face when he found out. How it would turn to a look of disappointment, and Aoi could imagine hearing his heart break.

All Aoi could do was fall to his knees, and cry.

**I thought that it was over and that was that**  
but you insist to persist me  
irrational enemy

Aoi now had a secret enemy. One that nobody could find out about. In his mind, Aoi would imagine different plans to make the blonde pay for what he took from him, never acting on those irrational plans.

**You keep on talking but I'm not listening  
I'll be the first to say I'm sorry just to be this to end**

And still every night, after the yelling and screaming, they would hold each other. The flame that sparkled in the darkness for so long was finally going out. The candle was melting down. Soon there would be only the small wax puddle, a reminisce of what their relationship used to be, and what they used to have.

**You keep on talking but I'm not listening  
I'll be the first to say I'm sorry just to be this to end**

It was all going to end soon. Aoi could feel it. He could tell that with each passing day, the blonde was slowly taking some of Uruha away from him. Perhaps that was why every morning, when Uruha had to get up, Aoi refused to let go of him; because he knew that if he did, he would lose more and more of him. He tried desperately to hold onto whatever he had left, but it was no use.

**I know that its strange that straight to this very day  
I'll be the only one to say that I'm sorry without you**

Uruha didn't want to betray Aoi like he did. It was all the fault of the blonde haired man, who had taken him out one night, only to get him drunk and take advantage of him. Since then, Uruha had been going back, three times a week, to become the blonde's little sex toy. He would've never gone back, if not for the threat against Aoi's life. Uruha cried every night once he was sure Aoi was asleep. He didn't want Aoi to see his weakness.

**you know that its real don't make it a big deal  
I'll be the only one to say that I'm sorry without you**

Everybody has a secret. Uruha's furtive meetings with Reita; Reita would never tell Kai. Aoi knew about Uruha and Reita's meetings, but would never fully understand. Kai was just as oblivious to the fact that anything was going on, and would continue to live his life with Reita. It would've continued on this way forever, had it not been for Aoi's sudden determination that brought him to Reita's house the next day.

**appreciate validate sleeping with the enemy  
honest honest honest this is the way we play**

Aoi walked silently through the house. Nobody had answered the door, but Aoi found that it was not locked, and went inside. He could hear Reita and Uruha from a room at the back of the house. The door was slightly open, and Aoi could see them there, on the bed. He saw Reita hovering over Uruha, and his anger grew, but all of that was washed away when he saw Uruha. His face was twisted into a look of absolute pain, and tears were rapidly falling down his face. He wasn't enjoying it at all. And how _could_ he? Uruha was being forced into this, and only now did Aoi see what was _really_ going on. He could see now how Uruha wasn't doing this willingly.

**appreciate validate sleeping with the enemy**

Only moments later did Aoi come back with the gun he had taken from Reita's hiding place in the kitchen. He had been here enough times before to know about it. Taking a deep breath, he silently walked into the room, putting a finger to his lips to keep Uruha quiet, who was now staring at him. Aoi put the gun to Reita's head, who stopped moving.

"Get up." Aoi's short command triggered something in Reita's mind, and he quickly got up off the bed. Figuring he was in control, Aoi never saw the attack coming. Without warning, Reita grabbed the gun from his hand, and backed away, pointing it at Aoi. Uruha gasped. Aoi stared.

"Say goodbye," Reita said, before pulling the trigger, gun aimed for Aoi's head. Uruha covered his eyes in horror as he heard the scream fill the air.

**honest honest honest this is the way we play**

Kai sat down beside Uruha as he stared into thin air. He didn't expect him to say anything. Kai hugged his friend close to him, giving him whatever sympathy he could. He understood. After being forced into something he didn't want to do to save the one he loved, only to have that person shot by the same person who was forcing him to do it all.

He remained silent as Uruha spoke only half understandable words as he looked into the casket. So much has happened. So much he never thought possible.

He never understood why Reita would do these things. It wasn't like him at all. Now, Reita was in jail; Uruha was crying over a casket that held the one person he truly loved, and who gave his life to save him.


	3. DREAMY (KaixMiyavi)

_/It's in the Rain – Enya\\\_

__ **Every time the rain comes down  
** Close my eyes and listen  
I can hear the lonesome sound  
Of THE sky as it cries 

Miyavi was sleeping on the couch, breathing softly, as the TV still played on a low volume. He had been waiting for Kai, who had left to run a few errands, but being exhausted from an earlier game of basketball with Miku, he fell asleep almost immediately. He was still well in a deep sleep when the door closed, signaling Kai's return.

__ **Listen to the rain  
** Here it comes again  
Hear it in the rain 

__ **Feel the touch of tears that fall  
** They won't fall forever  
In the way the day will flow  
All things come, all things go 

"Miya?" Kai called out. Taking his shoes off, he set his bags on the kitchen table along with his keys. "Miya...?" Wandering into the living room, Kai spotted Miyavi asleep on the couch, one arm lightly resting over his face, and one leg hanging off of the edge. Kai couldn't help but grin as he saw this sight of a defenseless Miyavi. Kneeling beside Miyavi, he sat there for a moment and watched Miyavi as he slept, seeing his chest rise and fall with each gentle breath he took. Kai smiled as he rested his head on the sofa. He smiled when he heard Miyavi mumble something incoherent in his sleeping daze. Kai smiled, leaning his head against Miyavi's side, closing his eyes. What seemed like only moments later, he felt Miyavi's hand against his cheek. Not opening his eyes, Kai moved his head welcomingly to Miyavi's touch, letting out a warm moan. He heard Miyavi laugh quietly.

__ **Feel the touch of tears that fall  
** They won't fall forever  
In the way the day will flow  
All things come, all things go 

"Come on Kai, it's time for you to get up now," Miyavi said gently and quietly. Kai just stirred. "Come on, my Love." Squirming, Kai cautiously opened his eyes getting ready for the bright lights, only to find that it was dark out. Gasping, Kai sat up. He found that he was now lying on the couch that Miyavi was previously occupying. He looked over to see Miyavi leaning against the top of the couch, head resting on his arms, watching Kai.

__ **Listen to the rain... the rain  
** Here it comes again... again  
Hear it in the rain... the rain 

"You woke me up..." Kai grumbled, complaining. Miyavi smirked, and moved around the couch to kneel down to kiss Kai's nose affectionately. Kai scrunched his nose instinctively. Miyavi smiled as Kai let out a small yawn, letting his eyes droop, showing his fatigue.

"Come on, Hun. Let's get you to bed, shall we?" Miyavi said, carefully wrapping his arms around Kai and picked him up. Kai held onto Miyavi's neck, trying hard not to fall asleep right there on his shoulder.

Miyavi placed Kai on the bed in Kai's room, carefully covering him up, before going to leave. Kai grabbed onto Miyavi's hand, having surprising strength for somebody who was only half awake. Miya turned his head back to look at Kai with a slightly amused expression.

"Yes?"

"You're not going to stay?" Kai asked, a small, tired pout graced his face. Miyavi thought for a moment, before slipping in behind his nearly asleep love. He was aware that he'd have to get up early, and sneak back into his own room, but he didn't mind. Miyavi wrapped his arm loosely around Kai's waist, curling up behind him.

__ **Late at night I drift away  
** I can hear you calling  
And my name is in the rain  
Leaves on trees whispering  
Deep blue seas, mysteries 

Kai turned around in Miyavi's arms, and cuddled up as close as he could to feel the warmth that radiated off him. Smiling at his comfort, he found himself soon drift off to sleep to the sound of Miyavi's light singing.

Miyavi smiled lovingly as he saw Kai fall into a dream-filled sleep. It was one of Kai's favorite songs and he often used it to lull him to sleep. Now satisfied that Kai was asleep, Miyavi was able to close his eyes and soon also fall into a deep sleep.

__ **Even when this moment ends  
** Can't let go this feeling  
Everything will come on again  
In the sound falling down  
Of the sky as it cries  
Hear my name in the rain 


	4. ADMIT (RukixReita)

/I won't say I'm in Love – Hercules (Disney)\

Ruki sat on the roof of the apartment building, his head leaning against his hand, staring across at the sunset. He didn't want to admit his feelings for Reita. It was just too much. He wasn't gay! He liked girls! He has dated many girls, and he thought that they were very good looking! Ruki sighed and shook his head. There was no use. He couldn't even deny it to himself. He was gay... He shut his eyes tightly. His parents were going to be so mad...His dad...

**If there's a prize for rotten judgement**  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

Ruki trembled and shoved those thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to think about that now. Last time this happened, it had turned out so bad...and his dad had nearly kicked him out because of it...From then on, he had denied that he was gay...wouldn't bring it up, even in his mind. Until he met Reita.

It had only been a few months before he realized his feelings. But what was his supposed to do about it? Reita couldn't possibly feel the same way. He had already shown his obvious interest in the other girls in his class. It killed Ruki inside, knowing that this time, he couldn't just get over it. Reita was the one. He was in love with Reita.

**Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'**  
He's the Earth and heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you

**Dude , ya can't conceal it**  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of

Ruki sighed sadly. What was he going to do? He looked down at the people walking on the streets below him. They seemed to go through life without any problems. How he envied them! Each person down there, making their way home from work, or to a party; free to live their lives without worrying about a good portion of the world being against what they loved!

**No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no**

**You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh**

Ruki felt the tears threaten to spill over his eyes. Reita was an angel to him. Reita was all that mattered to him. Such a cliché! Love... only a few months... Reita was new to the school, and Ruki had been told by the teacher to show him around school. Ruki accepted shyly. He had been so worried about how to act towards this new student! How easy it was back then. In only the short time, Reita and him had become close friends, and hung out most days. In fact, he was coming over in only a few minutes.

**It's too cliche  
I won't say I'm in love**

**I thought my heart had learned its lesson**  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming get a grip, dude  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out  
Oh

Ruki figured that he should probably be waiting downstairs for Reita to arrive, but he had been worried about what he planned to do all day. He was freaking out and needed to come to his favourite place to relax before Reita arrived. Ruki leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling the setting sun still warming the air around him.

Ruki felt himself growing drowsy, but couldn't bring himself to wake up. Soon, he was deep in sleep, only to dream of him and Reita. Their special time together in the forest, which had meant so much to Ruki, to only be taken as a friendly friend's game; everything to Ruki meant so much. How could Reita not see how he felt?

**You keep on denying**  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad

Waking up at suddenly hearing the door close, Ruki sat up. The sun had already gone down, and the sky was dark, and breeze blowing his hair around, messing it up. Ruki rubbed his arms, feeling a chill go down his spine. He turned around to see who had come up to the roof; there was Reita. Ruki stared, captured in the beauty of the other.

Reita walked over to the other quickly, touching the others bare shoulder, making Ruki tremble at his touch; the other's warm skin against his cool one. Ruki couldn't feel the cold anymore, only the other's touch. He kept screaming to himself to get a grip on himself. Reita was only here to hang out...then why was he looking at Ruki like that?

**No chance, no way**  
I won't say it, no, no  
Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love

"Ruki..you're freezing...," Reita said quietly, looking to Ruki worriedly, rubbing his arms, trying to warm the other up. Ruki had originally came up here in just his shorts; it had been warmer then, and he had not needed a shirt, but it was getting to be later in the year, and closer to winter. Nights were getting colder. Still, Ruki tried to impress the other and shrugged.

"Come on, you should go inside," Reita said lifting the other up. Ruki let him, liking the feeling of the others arms around him, although he was often confused about how the other treated him, he didn't let it show. Why would Reita tease him like this? Did he know how Ruki felt, and just liked to torture him? Even if that was so, Ruki cherished these moments, and held onto the other for as long as he dared. However, when he tried to move away, Reita just pulled him closer. Ruki looked up to the other.

**This scene won't play,**  
I won't say I'm in love  
You're doin flips read our lips  
You're in love

"Reita?" Reita looked down at him and smiled. Ruki felt his heart skip a beat. The other's gaze made him melt; but that was nothing like how he felt next. Ruki watched wide-eyed as Reita leaned down and pressed his lips against his own. Ruki couldn't breathe even if he tried. He couldn't believe what was happening! Ruki relaxed, and closed his eyes, melting into the other's hold, kissing the other.

Reita pulled back and stroked Ruki's cheek. "You're so beautiful, Taka..," he spoke softly. Ruki looked up at the other in awe, tears spilling from his eyes. Reita frowned and wiped them away. "Why are you crying?" Ruki sniffed, and wiped away his tears, smiling up at the other.

**You're way off base**  
I won't say it  
Get off my case  
I won't say it  
Dude , don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love

"I can't believe this is happening..." Ruki spoke, still watching the other, almost as if in a dream. Reita smiled and moved some hair out of Ruki's face.

"Well, believe it...I've waited too long for you, Ruki...I'm not going to let go anytime soon." With that, Reita leaned down and kissed the other again. Ruki smiled and kissed the other back happily. He may not be gay, but he could certainly get used to this.

**Oh At least out loud,  
I won't say I'm in love**

_ **A/n: ** _ _Yes, I totally substituted the word 'girl' for 'dude' because I AM just that awesome..jkjk...no it just worked better that way..it was a little awkward, but I found it kind of funny xD_


	5. OVERCOME (RukixKai)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS GUYS! X X X X X X X *

/Overcome- Within Temptation\

****TRIGGER WARNING - ABUSE****

It started so long ago. He can barely remember. Back when Ruki himself wasn't even certain about his sexuality. He had many unsuccessful relationships with women but all the accusations presented during interviews had made him think; wonder. He had never denied that another man looked good, but he never thought anything of it.

One time before an interview, Ruki was nervous and splashed some water on his face, trying to calm down. He heard the door close, and looked up to see Kai.

"Oh...hey, Kai. Is it time to go on?" Ruki looked to Kai, who didn't say a word. "Kai?" Kai moved forward and pressed Ruki against the counter. Ruki trembled, and stared at the other. "Kai, what are you doing?" Kai held the other's wrists down, and kissed him roughly. Ruki was so surprised; he didn't know what to do.

**Where are the heroes**  
In my time of need  
Is my cry not loud enough  
Or have they gone all numb

"Kai...stop," Ruki said, breaking away from the other, though he was forced to remain against the counter.

"Why? You like it..." Kai whispered to him, making Ruki shiver involuntarily. Ruki wasn't sure if he liked it or not. It was a strange, unusual feeling. And Kai? Well, that was just shocking. He was the most masculine one in the band, next to Reita; it didn't make sense.

"Nobody would have to know, Ruki. It could be our little secret..." Ruki knew that something didn't feel right, but he needed to know. Ruki looked at Kai and hesitantly nodded. He felt the other on his lips again, and he thought about it, not really reacting. Kai didn't seem to care. He never seemed to care about Ruki's feelings. It started out with that encounter in the bathroom. Ever since then, it had only gotten worse.

**They just tend to stand**  
Out of the rain  
Thinking but not acting  
That they're not to blame

First, it was only verbal. Ruki had returned home one night after hanging out with Aoi at the bar. It had been fun, but Ruki was tired, so they had decided to leave.

Ruki left his keys on the table, and stumbled into the living room after kicking off his shoes. The room was empty, and Ruki felt onto the couch, feeling sick and tired.

"Have fun?" he heard Kai's voice speak accusingly. Ruki glanced up to see Kai leaning against the doorframe to their bedroom. Ruki couldn't answer because he was suddenly throwing up. He heard Kai yelling and screaming at him. He couldn't stop. He groaned as he fell to his side, only to be grabbed roughly by Kai. He could hear the other calling him a drunk, a whore; so many other things that killed him inside. Why was Kai like this towards him?

**Falling and crawling**  
A fight to stand up  
Memory still haunts me  
In the dead of night

That night was the least of it all. Ruki wished that he could've gone back to that. Kai had become possessive. During concerts, if there was any fan service, Ruki would pay for it later. Kai had originally told him that it was better to keep the random groping and kissing since that fans loved it. Ruki learned the first time that Kai didn't mean what he said.

They entered their apartment after a very heated concert. It was very successful, the crowd loved it, and there was even a little make-out scene between Ruki and Uruha.

Ruki set down his water bottle, and turned to Kai, smiling. Kai refused to look at him. Ruki frowned, and walked over to him.

**Over and over**  
I felt so small  
But one day I'll be stronger  
And you better watch out

"Kai? Are you alright?" he asked carefully. Kai didn't speak, and filled another glass of water. Ruki moved to touch the other's hand. He gasped when Kai grabbed his wrist, the glass of water falling to the ground, stuttering.

"K-Kai?" Ruki spoke, frightened. Kai glared at the other, and pulled him out of the kitchen, into their bedroom. "Kai, please, let go!"

"Shut up, whore," Kai spoke venomously. Ruki whimpered as he was thrown down onto the bed, his wrists immediately being tied.

**I will overcome**  
Your violence their silence  
Although  
It can't be undone  
I will overcome

"Kai, please. Why are you doing this?" Ruki asked, tears falling down his cheeks. Kai saw this, and slapped the other across the face. Ruki whimpered, and remained silent. He knew what was to come, and he knew that afterwards he wouldn't be able to walk for a week.

Ruki fell trapped. He couldn't escape Kai. He couldn't leave; Kai would find him. He can't count how many times he had tried to escape.

Ruki had packed a suitcase, and as soon as he figured Kai was asleep, he quickly got dressed and grabbed the bag, hurrying to the stairs. His heart was racing.

**Knowing that I'm not the only one**  
I will overcome  
It's the only way to carry on

**Where are the saviours**  
Afraid of the toll  
Sorry do my nine inch nails  
Slash your soul

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Ruki froze as he heard Kai's voice. He heard the other walk closer. One step. Two steps. He felt the other's breath on his neck, sending chills down his back.

"You're going to leave?" he spoke accusingly, touching Ruki's neck softly. Ruki trembled, and nodded. Kai's eyes narrowed, and his voice hardened.

"Then leave," he said, pushing the other, sending Ruki down the stairs.

**Such heroes**  
Throwing stones  
Straight at the one  
Who is standing alone

Ruki trembled at the memory. He had ended up with three broken ribs and a broken leg. Kai had told the others that Ruki had been drunk and fell down the stairs. Ruki, of course, couldn't say anything about it. The others wouldn't have believed him anyways.

It still got worse as the months wore on. Kai had started to hit him even when they weren't at home. Still, nobody really noticed until today.

Kai had once again cornered Ruki in the bathroom. Today, the band was practicing three new songs for their new album. They had taken a break for lunch, and Aoi had gone to get them all food.

**Twisting and turning**  
It's always the same  
Truth is never honest  
When you're to blame

Ruki was washing his hands when Kai came in, demanding sex as usual. Ruki was exhausted, and still needed the energy for the rest of the day. He shook his head.

"Kai, I'm exhausted. Not now," he told the other, hoping that Kai would just leave it alone. As usual, Kai did not leave it alone. He pushed Ruki against the wall,ignoring Ruki's protests; Ruki was forced to remain silent and swallow his screams of pain. He could feel blood dripping down his thighs.

**Pushing and pulling**  
Never give in  
One day I wish  
You'll see you're not so beautiful within

When Kai was finished, he let Ruki fall to the ground. Ruki winced, tears falling down his face, letting out choked sobs.

"You're pathetic," Kai spoke hatefully, looking down at the other. Ruki whimpered, just wishing that the other would leave. Instead, he felt a sharp kick to his stomach, followed by many punches to his face. Ruki begged for him to stop.

**I will overcome**  
Your violence your silence  
Although  
It can't be undone  
I will overcome  
Knowing that I'm not the only one  
I will overcome  
It's the only way to carry on  


Despite his desperate attempts to weakly fight the other off, the other wouldn't stop and was slowly and painfully killing him. Ruki was giving up. He no longer had the energy to fight the other. He just wanted it to end.

He opened his eyes only slightly to see Uruha staring at them in horror. He wanted to yell; scream. He didn't want Uruha to get hurt. Kai didn't even seem to notice Uruha.

**Run and run  
Run and run**

Ruki closed his eyes as he heard Uruha leave, yelling for Aoi and Reita. Ruki laid his head back against the floor. He had no strength left. His vision was blurring, the scene around him starting to turn black.

He could vaguely feel Kai's hits and kicks, and then suddenly, it stopped. Blurring figures of Aoi and Reita pulling Kai off of him. Uruha put Ruki's head up onto his lap, talking to him. Ruki couldn't even tell what Uruha was saying. He let out a sigh, and everything went black.

~!~

**I will overcome**  
Their violence your silence  
Although  
It can't be undone  
I will overcome

It was raining. A small group stood out in the rain, dressed in black. The funeral had been beautiful. Exactly what he would have wanted. Nobody spoke afterwards. Gradually, the crowd disappeared, leaving only three males. Aoi and Reita comforted Uruha as he cried. Uruha's hair was a mess, and stuck to the sides of his face, but he didn't care.

"He'll never know how I felt," he said remorsefully, standing over the freshly dug grave, the smell of fresh dirt in the air.

**Knowing that I'm not the only one**  
I will overcome  
It's the only way to carry on

"I'm sure he's heard you, wherever he is," Aoi said, hugging the other. They walked away, the sky a dark grey; the rain poured heavily.

**I will overcome**

A/N: TAT so sad! I had to edit out a lot of what I originally wrote in this, because I honestly just couldn't go into as much detail as I did in the first draft. Just terrible...but..yeah.


	6. LOST (Kyo)

/Lose Yourself – Eminem\

**Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity**  
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment  
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

Kyo was young when he realized that he wanted to sing. His parents mocked him; it wasn't _normal_ for a guy to want to _sing._ His dad wants him to do something great with his life. But the only thing that is running through his head is lyrics. Bringing together events of his life; he wants this! But everybody is against him.

**His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy  
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti**

**He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready  
To drop bombs,**

It's a first performance; at school. Everybody is waiting, silently mocking him, but he's ready. He spent months preparing these lyrics. He was going to prove them all wrong! These lyrics are perfect. He'll show them. He holds the microphone to his mouth, and stares out across the crowd of his peers. Years of being singled out, he was going to show them all!

**but he keeps on forgettin**  
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud  
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out  
He's choking, how everybody's joking now  
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!

Kyo's hands shake; the crowd is staring at him; unimpressed. He can't remember, months of work on lyrics, and he can't remember one word...He stares wide-eyed. Everything is going wrong! He drops the microphone and walks off the stage. Walking past everybody, avoiding stares; he's failed.

**Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity**  
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked  
He's so mad, but he won't give up that

Kyo is walking down the street, away from the school. His lyrics in the garbage can outside a store a block back. This is the beginning, but it is not the end. He promises himself that. He is not going to let them believe that he sucked, no! He's going to prove to them that he has what it takes.

**Easy, no**  
He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes  
It don't matter, he's dope  
He knows that, but he's broke  
He's so stagnant that he knows  
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's  
Back to the lab again yo

Kyo slams his bedroom door shut, ignoring his mom's voice downstairs calling to him. He pulls the chair back and falls into it. Pulling a piece of paper to him, he starts writing down everything. Scratching out words; it's back to the drawing board. New lyrics; new chance. Nothing is working; his head is hurting; emotions are overflowing. He throws everything off of his desk, run his fingers through his hair, music playing loud. His mom is trying to talk to him through the door that he is writing lyrics on. It has to work!

**This whole rhapsody**  
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him  
**You better lose yourself in the music, the moment**  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

His parents died in a crash three years ago. He's living alone in an apartment, trying to make it all work. No heat, not water; it's hard. He's breaking down. But still the inspiration comes, and he writes it down. He spends his time putting the words to the feelings; making an attempt. He's working two jobs, but he's getting there. He won't give up. He's not going to let everybody see him fail. Never again!

**The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping**  
This world is mine for the taking  
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order

Small appearances in small venues. It's an opportunity. He knows this, and he's getting there. Applause is like gold; but it doesn't pay the bills. He needs something more! A talent scout speaks to him, and it's the start of a new life.

**A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem**  
It only grows harder, only grows hotter  
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him  
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter

Kyo is sitting in a large room. He is known all over the world. It's what he wants, but there is still something missing. He's traveling all around the world, bringing the music to the people. Spreading his personal moments through lyrics because that's what "sells". Kyo takes a walk down the street, hiding in a small cafe from fans; he orders a coffee from a pretty waitress. She gives him a smile, but doesn't show any signs of knowing who he is.

**Lonely roads, God only knows**  
He's grown farther from home, he's no father  
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter

Kyo returns home after a long tour, opening the door to see a small four year old girl in the hallway. He smiles and calls to her, but she remains staring at him as if he was a stranger. He frowns and steps back. Was he gone that long? Has this life he wanted turned everything around? The same blonde waitress; the mother of his child, is nowhere to be seen. He falls to his knees and cries. This one moment will not be on his next album.

**But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water**  
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product  
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows  
He nose dove and sold nada

It's been so long. He's no longer the new hit, people have moved on. His music, the real lyrics; it wasn't what sold anymore. He freaked out, threw things; glass breaking. He could hear his wife in the background screaming; his kid crying.

**It's been a year since he's sold an album; his time is up. Kyo can't help but feel as if the whole world has let him down. His wife had left him, and had taken their kid. He lived alone in a large house that was being repossessed. He cried himself to sleep.**

It's so quiet. Echoing; his sobs. All alone. There is nothing around him. It's his last night in this house. He cries, but what is there to do? His life is fucked up and there is nothing left for him. So they were right. Well, what kind of fucked up shit is this?

**So the soap opera is told and unfolds**  
I suppose it's old partner', but the beat goes on  
Da da dum da dum da da

**No more games, I'ma change what you call rage**  
Tear this motherfucking roof off like 2 dogs caged  
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed

Sitting on the streets; his new home, he is shivering. There is nothing that he can do about it. It's winter; nobody cares about him.

**I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage**  
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin the next cypher  
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper  
All the pain inside amplified by the fact  
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5

Trembling; its summer. The needle in his hand his new friend. What else is there for him to do? The drug is a power; he can't deny it anymore. Any money he gets is for the drug...Free shit just ain't as good...but he takes it anyways.

**And I can't provide the right type of life for my family**  
Cause man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers  
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life  
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder

He's overdosed, and is in the hospital. Doctors and nurses around him are talking quickly, but he doesn't care anymore. He trembling fiercely now, and it's only a matter of time. The minutes are growing shorter.

**Trying to feed and water my seed, plus**  
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna  
Baby mama drama's screaming on and  
Too much for me to wanna  
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony

He sees his family in the waiting room crying, but not for him. Tears of happiness, you know? All the money they think they're getting...It's bullshit, you know? That the only reason someone's there for him is to see him die, expecting compensation? Fuck that..He tries to break free.

**Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail**  
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot  
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not  
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go  
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot  
So here I go is my shot.  
Feet fail me not cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

Last time he'll ever be in the papers...telling about a death...to come up on a show where all people look at is the crack. His life was fucked up, there's no doubt about that...but whatever happened to getting a second chance?

**You can do anything you set your mind to, man**


	7. MADNESS (RukixReita)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT*

/Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne\

**You're not alone**  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand

Ruki sat down. Reita had just called to say he'd be home in an hour. One hour. Sixty minutes. Ruki jumped up and rushed to the kitchen. He'd better hurry.

He pulled pots and pans from the cupboard, preheated the oven, and started searching for the ingredients. He wanted to make Reita the perfect dinner. It was Friday night, and Ruki had a plan. He smirked, and pulled the door to the pantry open. He looked, and found the flour on the top shelf. He cursed quietly, and tried to reach it. His fingers barely touched it.

**When it gets cold**  
And it feels like the end  
There's no place to go  
You know I won't give in

He stretched, and could almost reach it when he lost his balance, and fell to the ground, sending the flour to the ground with him. Ruki looked around. Flour was everywhere around him. He shook his head, and more flour came from his hair. Ruki sighed. Since he could no longer make what he had originally planned, he began cleaning up, and started boiling some noodles on the stove.

**No I won't give in**

Ruki moved into the bathroom and began to wash flour out of his hair. He had to look perfect when Reita came home. Right in the middle of rinsing his hair under the tap, he heard a strange sizzling sound coming from the kitchen. Ruki gasped, and ran towards the kitchen, his hair still soaked, to find the noodles boiling over the pot.

Ruki rushed over to the stove, and shut the heat off. To his great surprise, the pot promptly burst into flames. Ruki yelped as the fire alarm went off. He looked around him. There was still flour on the ground, his hair was wet and looked horrible, his stove was currently on fire, and on top of that, there was a constant beeping in his ears from the fire alarm.

**Keep holding on**  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Ruki rushed to the sink to find the fire extinguisher, but only slipped on the remaining flour. Ruki winced as he hit his head. He looked up as he saw the door open. Oh, not already! Reita was staring in shock.

Ruki looked up at Reita, and he felt his eyes water. Everything was supposed to be perfect, but it was the exact opposite. There was no special dinner, the kitchen was a mess, and Ruki probably looked as if he had spent the night in an alley.

About half an hour later, Ruki was sitting on the couch, still upset, while Reita ordered take out. The kitchen is currently covered in white foam from the fire extinguisher that Reita had used to put out the fire.

Reita hung up the phone, and sat beside Ruki. A few tears still escaped Ruki's eyes, and trailed down his cheek. Reita hugged him.

**So far away**  
I wish you were here  
Before it's too late, this could all disappear  
Before the doors close  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side I will fight and defend  
I'll fight and defend  
Yeah, yeah

"Don't worry, love. It was an accident," he told him softly, thinking that Ruki was just upset because of the fire. Ruki sniffed, and wiped away his tears, speaking to Reita, his voice still quivering.

"No, everything was supposed to be perfect. I wanted to surprise you with dinner, but then the flour...and the fire...and my hair!" Ruki pouted. Instead of surprising Reita with a nice evening, he had caused him only more work! More stress! Reita smiled, shook his head, and kissed the other.

"Hey, no matter what happens; being with you is _always _perfect!" He said, stroking the side of the other's face, playing with his hair. "And don't worry about your hair. You are so beautiful." Reita kissed Ruki again and smiled. Ruki smiled back at him.

The doorbell rang, and Reita got the food. They ate and watched a movie, a romantic comedy for Ruki's sake. Ruki smiled afterwards, and rested his head on the other's lap.

"I suppose tonight wasn't a total loss," he said, looking up at Reita. Reita smirked.

"Of course not." Ruki smiled, and then thought of something, playing with the other's shirt.

**Keep holding on**  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

"You know...there is still part of my plan that we could do...," he said, straddling the other and looking seductively at him. Reita smirked, and kissed Ruki lustfully. Ruki smirked, and wrapped his arms around Reita's neck. He felt Reita's hands travel under his shirt; up and down his back, before removing the cloth.

Ruki closed his eyes as he felt Reita kiss and bite his chest. He ran his fingers through the other's hair. Reita bit down on Ruki's chest again, making Ruki move closer to the other. Reita moaned as the other moved over his hips. Reita wrapped his arms around the other and carried Ruki into their bedroom.

Ruki fell back against the bed, pulling Reita with him. He kissed the other again roughly, breaking away only for a moment as he removed Reita's shirt. Reita kissed down Ruki's stomach before stopping at Ruki's tight black jeans. Ruki watched as the other slowly undid the jean zipper.

Ruki gasped as the cool air reached the sensitive skin. Reita ran his hand over the other's thigh, moving to gently stroke the other.

**Hear me when I say, when I say I believe**  
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny  
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

"So beautiful," he said quietly, more to himself, although Ruki could still hear him. He smiled and pulled Reita up so that he could kiss him again. His hands roamed down Reita's bare back as Reita marked Ruki's neck. Ruki moaned and tightened his grip on the other.

Ruki's hands traveled to Reita's belt, undoing it quickly. Reita caught the other's mouth in a rough kiss as Ruki succeeded in removing the last bit of clothing between the two of them.

**La da da da**  
La da da da  
La da da da da da da da da

Ruki rolled over to straddle the other, moving against Reita, causing the other to moan. Ruki watched Reita's expression as he continued to move against him.

"Ruki, if you keep this up, I'm going to have to take you right now!" Reita warned, looking into the other's eyes lustfully. Ruki smirked, and instantly Reita knew he had given the other an idea. Not seconds later, he felt the other's warm heat around him. Reita moaned deeply, his eyes shut tight in pleasure. "Oh, Taka!"

Ruki smirked, restraining a pained cry from leaving his throat. Instead, he began moving up and down the other's length. Reita held onto the other's waist, moving up against his lover's movements.

Only moments later, they were both nearing their climax, moving quickly with heavy breaths. Ruki, blinded by pleasure, felt himself tense as he came onto the other's stomach, barely breathing as he was overwhelmed in ecstasy. Feeling the other clench around him, it was only seconds before Reita himself came deep within the other. Ruki sighed happily, and fell beside his lover.

**Keep holding on**  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

They were both panting hard, and Reita moved to pull the other closer. He stopped however, when he felt a liquid between them, thicker then just the other's cum. He looked, and what he saw scared him to the point where he almost couldn't breathe.

"Taka, you're bleeding!" Reita said, looking at the other worriedly. Ruki just looked at him, obviously not taking that fact too seriously.

"Yeah, well, that happens," he said, yawning. Reita, though, got up and moved to the other side of the bed. He picked Ruki up carefully, and carried him to their bathroom. "Reita, really, it's no big deal."

**Keep holding on  
Keep holding on**

"Taka, please. Just let me do this," Reita said, filling the tub with warn water, placing Ruki in the water. Ruki winced, but got comfortable. He smiled tiredly over at Reita.

"You take too good of care of me. I don't deserve you," he told Reita, tracing the side of the other's face with his fingers. Reita held the other's hand, and kissed him softly.

"I love you," Reita said, sitting beside the tub. He stayed with Ruki until the water grew cold. Ruki nearly fell asleep drying off. Reita once against carried Ruki to the bed, having changed the sheets while Ruki was in the tub.

The two curled up under the blankets, Ruki moving to cuddle against his lover.

**There's nothing you could say**  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

"Reita, I love you, too."

A/N: cheeeeeesy AF and the first smut one shot...


	8. FORSAKEN (ReitaxRuki)

/Forsaken - David Draiman\

**I'm over it  
** you see I'm falling in the vast abyss  
Clouded by memories of the past  
at last, I see 

Sometimes he can remember; what happened before he changed. It's difficult at times, it's been so long. Ever since then it has been nothing by hiding; hiding who he really was, and what he had become. It was a horrible life, but he didn't choose it. Why would anybody choose this? To be this horrible...monster, thing!

**I hear it fading  
** I can't speak it  
Or else you will dig my grave 

He met Ruki downtown, one evening. He had saved Ruki from almost certain death when he was being hunted; by one of his own! They were so upset at Reita. He was forever exiled, and hunted himself! But it was worth it. He might not have realized it then, but it was.

**We fear them finding  
** Always whining  
Take my hand now  
Be alive 

At first, Reita was so mad; and he took it out on the other. Ruki never left his side, and Reita didn't understand it. He treated him so badly, nearly killing him a few times, and yet he stayed. Reita would never understand the other's reasoning, nor would Ruki tell him.

**You see I cannot be forsaken  
Because I'm not the only one**

Reita had protected Ruki since then. He wasn't sure what drew him to the other, but the shorter always had some way of making him change his mind. Reita knew that it was pointless. He could not die. It was just how it was. Ruki, on the other hand, would eventually pass on, and leave Reita. This shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did, since they weren't dating or anything.

**We walk amongst you  
** Feeding, raping  
Must we hide from everyone 

It was in December when Ruki told Reita how he felt. However, instead of being overjoyed by the realization that the other felt the same as him, Reita was angry. Would it never be easy on him? Was it his fate to be in a doomed relationship? He felt so bad afterwards for being so mean towards Ruki, but the other held no anger. He had forgiven Reita that very same night.

**I'm over it  
Why can't we be together**

Reita had told Ruki of his worries; why he was so angry that night. Ruki understood that Reita would remain the same even as he himself got older. Ruki begged Reita to change him. Of course, Reita denied him every time. They spent every moment they could together by now, and it was killing Reita. He knew that Ruki was spending more time with him, then anything else. He was still going to school during the days and staying up at nights with Reita, despite Reita's worries. He could tell the other was starting to get sick from this way of living, and he didn't like it one bit.

**Embrace it  
** Sleeping so long  
Taking off the mask  
At last, I see 

Reita left. He didn't want to risk the other's life because of his selfishness. All he was doing was making the other ill. By the time the other found he had left, Reita would be far enough away that he could never find him. It hurt Reita but it was what needed to be done. He knew it was; even though he loved the other. It was why he had to leave! Yet, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that it was the right thing to do, it still hurt.

**My fear is fading  
** I can't speak it  
Or else you will dig my grave 

It was months later when he heard the news that his love was in the hospital. He didn't waste any time getting back. How could he have done this? He knew! He knew that if he left, the other would only get worse! He knew how much the other was attached to him! And Ruki KNEW that Reita knew that, which would've only made it worse when he left.

**We fear them finding  
** Always whining  
Take my hand now  
Be alive 

Reita walked up to the other's sleeping form. The white sheets looked darker then the others skin and Reita was even angrier with himself. He took the other's hand. Ruki was barely alive; his pulse barely there. He fought back, but a tear still fell. This was his entire fault! They had said that he stopped eating, and that he never went outside. How could Reita do this to somebody so innocent?

**You see I cannot be forsaken  
Because I'm not the only one**

Ruki's eyes opened slowly as he felt somebody touch his hand. Reita was looking sadly down at him. He came back! Ruki managed a small smile. He couldn't say anything; he was too weak, but Reita knew what he wanted to say. Reita himself apologized for leaving, and that he wouldn't again, but he still refused to change the other.

**We walk amongst you  
** Feeding, raping  
Must we hide from everyone 

Two months later. Ruki shivered lightly beside Reita. Reita asked once more if the other was sure. Of course, Ruki nodded. Reita lent in, kissing the other's neck lightly, before biting into the other's soft skin. He had to fight to release the other, the taste overwhelming. But he managed. He seen the other twisting slightly in pain, and held Ruki's hand. It would all be over soon.

**You see I cannot be forsaken  
Because I'm not the only one**

Together they walk alone at night, something that nobody could kill. Eternally alive, they couldn't be stopped. Their love stronger then even their will to survive, they lived on. Despite the hunts and murders of their kind all around them, they remained unsuspected.

**We walk amongst you  
** Feeding, raping  
Must we hide from everyone 

They hid, and nobody knew. They lived in the country; together forever. How they wished that they could walk in the sunlight together, but being together was better for them than never meeting, and if Reita had not been turned; they would have never met!


	9. SAY (MikuxAoi[Ayabie])

Say(All I Need)- One Republic

**Do you know where your heart is?  
Do you think you can find it?**

I hate him. Why did he do this? Aoi, how could you? You promised you would never. Never do this again, but you did. And I caught you. Just like last time. When I seen you with him, just like last time. I could feel my heart breaking. Just like last time. I didn't want it to be over. I promised myself that if it happened again, I would leave.

**Or did you trade it for something  
Somewhere better just to have it?**

Well I am, but it doesn't make it any less painful. Would you have told me? Would you have said that it was a slip? That I wouldn't happen again? Just like last time? Always like last time.

**Do you know where your love is?  
Do you think that you lost it?**

Did you love me, Aoi? When we first met? Like you said you did? Or was it a lie? Was I only a toy? Brought around only for your amusement? Did I mean nothing all along?

**You felt it so strong, but  
Nothing's turned out how you wanted**

Maybe so, but I loved you. More than you could ever understand, I loved you. I still do, and I may always. But you'll never know that love. Because in your mind, and that cold heart, you could never understand what love is.

**Well, bless my soul  
You're a lonely soul**

It was always like the last time. But this time was different. You came after me. I didn't expect that. Still, I ignored you.

**Cause you won't let go  
Of anything you hold**

I went about, packing my things; tried to ignore you as you started taking things out of the suitcase.

**Well, all I need  
Is the air I breathe**

"Please don't leave," you begged. I looked up at you sadly. Why were you asking this of me? It was you who did this. It was you who chose him over me. Would you get the same love from him as you did from me? I doubt it.

**And a place to rest  
My head**

I took my bag downstairs to my car. It was upsetting and I was crying now. But I didn't want you to see. You weren't worth my tears. I tried lifting the heavy bag into the back, but it was too heavy and I couldn't do it.

**Do you know what your fate is?  
And are you trying to shake it?**

I tried again. I just had to get out of here. I can't believe how weak I am right now! Just as it was about to fall again, I saw your hands reach out and grab it. I looked up at you surprised.

**You're doing your best and  
** Your best look  
You're praying that you make it 

"I understand why you're leaving," you said quietly, "and I just want you to be happy. You deserve someone so much better than me..."

**Well, bless my soul  
You're a lonely soul**

I stared at you in shock. I wasn't sure if I should still be angry at you, or take you into my arms and give you one last change. I chose the obvious answer.

**Cause you won't let go  
Of anything you hold**

I hugged you tightly, crying into your shirt, whispering my forgiving words. I could never let you go, no matter how many times I tried to leave.

**Well, all I need  
** Is the air I breathe  
And a place to rest  
My head 

And until the next time this happens, I'll try my hardest. Yes, I knew there would be a next time. That's just the way you are.

**I said I all I need  
** Is the air I breathe  
And a place to rest  
My head 

You can't control yourself or what you do, but I still love you. Just the way you are. My Aoi; my beautiful, wonderful Aoi.

_A/N: Too short..but..it got the point across lol_


	10. YOU (AoixUruha)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! shout out to Mo Bae Jun for reading the original of this back in 2009 and saying "hey i totally thought it was gonna end like this"
> 
> cause here we are 10 years later and I rewrote it that way.

/Somewhere - Within Temptation\

Uruha was busy in the kitchen, making a nice cake for his and Aoi's two year wedding anniversary, when the doorbell rang. Walking over slowly, a bowl of batter in his arms, he opened the door. He was surprised to see two officers standing outside of his door. Looking at them nervously, he frowned.

**Lost in the darkness**  
Hoping for a sign  
Instead there's only silence  
Can't you hear my screams?

"Hello officers," he said cautiously, looking worriedly at them. Had something happened? Was the band in trouble? Did Reita get in another fight? He hoped not since he was usually the one to go and bail him out.

"Takashima Kouyou, we assume?" Uruha nodded to their question. "What's the problem, officers?" He was starting to get worried now. If Reita had gotten into a fight, they would have just let him call. Was Reita hurt? Or did this have something to do with Aoi? Was Aoi hurt? Looking more worried, he looked back to the officers. "What's going on?"

**Never stop hoping**  
Need to know where you are  
But one thing's for sure  
You're always in my heart

"Your spouse is Shiroyama Yuu is that correct?" Uruha's chest tightened slightly at the question, nodding slowly. "Y-yes..." Tears were already threatening to fall down his eyes. What was going on? "We're very sorry to tell you this, but the building that your spouse works in had a fire, and the building burned down. We managed to get a majority of the people out, but we were unable to get him out before the building collapsed." Uruha could swear his heart stopped beating. The bowl of cake batter fell from his hand shattering on the floor, but Uruha hardly even noticed. He couldn't breathe. The tears he had been holding back were flowing quickly down his cheeks as he lost his balance, catching onto the door for support.

**I'll find you somewhere**  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul

Uruha vaguely remembered the officers helping him sit down before leaving. He stared blankly into the space around him. He was sitting in the living room , but couldn't even take in the things around him. His vision was blurred as tears still crowded in his eyes. Still not having spoken, he didn't know what to do; he didn't know what to say. And who was he going to say it to? There was no one here. Aoi wasn't here, and he never would be. Not anymore.

**Lost in the darkness**  
Tried to find your way home  
I want to embrace you  
And never let you go  


Uruha bent over and sobbed, finally letting out all the pain he felt in his chest through tears, though it hardly relieved the pain. He just felt so alone. He heard a knock at the door, but couldn't bring himself to answer it, or to even move. He just couldn't stop crying. He felt as if his whole world was crashing down around him. He could hear his band mates coming in, and hugging him, though he barely felt their touches anymore. He guessed they had heard the news, too.

Despite the fact that his friends were just trying to help, Uruha didn't really want them around right now. They just seemed to remind him that none of them were Aoi. It wasn't Aoi cleaning up the mess of batter on the floor, but Kai; it wasn't Aoi bringing him the glass of water and a blanket, but Ruki. It was as if the world was just rushing past him, and Uruha was just sitting in the middle of it.

**Almost hope you're in heaven**  
So no one can hurt your soul  
Living in agony  
Cause I just do not know  
Where you are

Laying under the blanket that Ruki had brought him, he reached out slowly to turn on the TV. He wasn't really sure why. Maybe he wanted to see if the news had done anything on what had happened, maybe hoping that it would shed some light onto why his love had to die. Why now the world around Uruha just seemed empty. Uruha watched as the news replayed the footage of firefighters leading people out of the burning building, the people running as the building collapsed behind him. Uruha sobbed, thinking of how his beloved was still in there. Ruki had mentioned that the police were unable to recover Aoi's remains, and that had only made Uruha cry harder. Kai had ushered the others away from Uruha. Watching the news replay the footage over and over again, Uruha sobbed. He wanted his husband back. He couldn't live without him.

**I'll find you somewhere**  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day

The voice of the reporter was a dull buzz in the background.He didn't want to watch them replaying the collapsing building, so he shut the TV off with a sigh. Looking down at his hands, the numbness in his fingers wouldn't go away. He could barely feel anything. The voices of his friends came from the kitchen, sounding surprised as he heard Reita yell. The small amount of curiosity wasn't enough for him to move his eyes from his hands, but when the group ran into the living room to turn the TV back on, he watched them in confusion.

**I just need to know**  
Whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul

"Turn the channel, Ruki! Hurry up!" Reita's voice spoke urgently, and Uruha didn't know what to make of the chaos that had suddenly taken over the room. Looking back to the screen, he watched as footage of the disaster played again. He wanted immediately to look away, but the footage cut to a live feed as paramedics recover a body from the rubble. His heart raced as he tried to focus on the face, tears falling a bit as he recognized his husband laid out across the structure.

"It's true...they found him."

"They say he's still alive! Uruha!"

Uruha didn't even hear them after that. He just stared, mouth open, at the screen. _Could it...could he..._

**Wherever you are**  
I won't stop searching  
Whatever it takes me to know

The group waited in the hospital lobby, silent as the hours ticked on. Uruha was pacing, shaking from not eating, but refused to sit down. Anxious glances at the clock as it continued to tick made the time go by even slower.

"Takashima-san," the doctor's voice spoke up, echoing in the large room. Uruha rushed over to the man, eager for any update. _Could he be...._

**I'll find you somewhere**  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul

_Aoi....please wake up...._

_I love you..._

_Please...._

".......Kouyou?"

A/N: I originally wrote this where they both died, and honestly I couldn't handle that level of...terrible. So I rewrote it...I think this is much better haha also 


	11. GARDEN (UruhaxRukixAoi)

/The Garden - Mirah\

Ruki watched the man as he played so eloquently. The break in the chorus allowed Ruki to gaze longingly at the raven haired guitarist. Despite being in front of thousands of people, as they were in the middle of a concert, Ruki felt no shame as he went to the other, and ran his fingers up and down his hips. The crowd cheered, and the raven man glanced at him. Fan service between the two of them was not planned, and Ruki could feel the eyes of the honey blonde guitarist on his back, feeling the jealous glare, but not caring. He knew that the other guitarist liked him in a way that the fans would go crazy over. He had been told so many time by the honey blonde that he was the object of his desires, but he couldn't deny his own feelings for the man in his grasp now.

Oh oh i really wanted that thing  
I just want to sing

Just as he leaned in to kiss the raven while he still had a chance, his cue came to sing again and he sighed, feeling the other's lips only slightly. Whining, Ruki moved away and went back to the center of the stage to finish singing. After the final song, they did their jump, hand in hand, Ruki smiled as he managed to stand beside Aoi, even if it screwed up the formation they had earlier planned out.

I love you baby  
Won't you bring

Running off the stage, he was immediately taken aside by one of the guitarists, unfortunately not the one Taka would have liked. "Ru, what was that all about? We hadn't discussed any fanservice with Yuu? Ru, do you have any idea how much it hurt to see that?" Taka did feel a little bad that the blonde had to suffer because he didn't return his feelings, but there was nothing he could do about it. He loved Yuu. "Kou... I'm sorry you're hurting... but I can't return the feelings you have to me. I've told you that... Please," Taka said sadly, before leaving to go find Yuu. He knew what the blonde was feeling, he himself was sick of ignoring his feelings and knew that it was about time he did something to change the situation.

All the flowers you  
Find out in the garden  
Don't tell me the truth  
That your heart has hardened

Taka was nervous as he knocked on the door of the raven haired man's house. When there was no answer, Taka pouted, but then thought. Around this time, Yuu was usually eating dinner, and it was a nice night. Going through the gate, Taka went into the back yard and found Yuu just as he had suspected. However the raven was not eating. He seemed to just be standing on the deck, smoking and looking at the stars. The two of them used to be really close, but as soon as Uruha had started going after Taka, Yuu had distanced himself from the vocalist, and Taka was tired of being ignored.

But you don't want me anymore  
How can it be  
Look what you've done to me

"Oh, Taka..." Taka stared in shock as he heard the other say his name. Did the other see him? It didn't seem so as Yuu's eyes had not moved from the sky and he had made no move to show that he was aware Taka was even there. Hiding himself, Taka listened for more. "Look what you've done to me, Ru. Ever since Kouyou got you for himself, I have nothing left to live for." Yuu sighed sadly. "What was today all about? If you're with him, then why would you do that? Make me want you, and then leave me with nothing? How bold..." Sighing, Yuu looked down sadly. Taka was in tears. The other liked him? And he thought that he was with Kouyou? Sighing, Taka stood up, making himself known to the other. Yuu gasped and just stared at him. Taka smiled and walked up the steps slowly and made his way over to the other. "Yuu..." "Taka...."

Oh oh  
Oh oh the bee does quickly sting  
I was wondering  
If you could maybe darling  
Think? I'd give everything  
If you'd grant my love a pardon

"Ru...what are you doing here?" Yuu walked over to Taka slowly in a daze. He was unaware that Taka had heard what he said, but he was certain that by this point, Taka had overheard. Blushing, Yuu moved closer, taking Taka's hand. "Yuu...I...I needed to talk to you." Yuu looked at the other worriedly. "Is everything ok, Ru? Are you and Kouyou doing ok?" Taka smiled sadly. "Yuu...me and Kouyou aren't together. We never were."

And all the fruits  
Again would fill the garden

Yuu was shocked. Never together? So this whole time that Yuu had been depressed about his love being with someone else and having no hope of being with him...after all this time...and now here was Taka, saying that it had never happened. That he could've been with him the whole time, if only he had gathered enough courage. Taka moved closer and took the other's hands in his own. "Yuu...I love you....not Kouyou..." Taka pulled him close, tears in his eyes. He couldn't believe that it had been all this while, and he could've been with him this whole time.

But you don't want me anymore  
How can it be?  
Look what you've done to me

"Oh, Ru...you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that," Yuu said, pulling the vocalist closer and kissing him deeply. Taka wrapped his arms around the other tightly and smiled, kissing back happily. "Ru?" "Yes, Yuu?" "I love you..." 

Oh oh  
Oh oh, oh oh oh oh


	12. WONDERWALL (ReitaxRuki)

/Wonderwall - Oasis\

There was always a reason why they could never get along. He always knew there was something wrong with how he felt. Could it have been this the whole time? Sitting in the hospital, he looked over at the other. Even three years since they first found out, it was still a shock to Reita when he saw Ruki in the small room, holding the teddy bear he had gotten him when he was first admitted. It was a source of comfort for Ruki after spending the years stuck in this hellhole. He was never able to see Reita. Once a month Reita would come. Each time, it was like they were meeting each other all over again. It seemed Ruki would never get better.

**Today is gonna be the day**

**That they're gonna throw it back to you**

**By now you should've somehow**

**Realized what you gotta do**

**I don't believe that anybody**

**Feels the way I do, about you now**

Ruki would be afraid when Reita would first come, not recognizing him, but once he had hugged the blonde former-bassist he would recognize the scent of the other; the same as the bear he held every day. He recognized once more that Reita was his lover, his saviour. He would one day take Ruki far away from this awful place, and then maybe the horrible nightmares would stop.

**Back beat, the word was on the street**

**That the fire in your heart is out**

**I'm sure you've heard it all before**

**But you never really had a doubt**

**I don't believe that anybody**

**Feels the way I do about you now**

Every time Reita would visit, it would break his heart. His love was wasting away in the hospital that didn't seem to be helping the short former-vocalist at all. He wanted so desperately to help his love, but there was just no possible way. He had no clue what Ruki went through every night. The horrible nightmares that would plague his dreams, and more recently his reality. Ever since the accident, Ruki would see the horrible sight of his former-bandmates and friends burning inside the vehicle that himself and the bassist narrowly escaped. The explosion happened so fast, there was no chance of saving their friends.

**And all the roads we have to walk are winding**

**And all the lights that lead us there are blinding**

**There are many things that I**

**Would like to say to you but I don't know how**

Ruki was still suffering from that night, seeing it replay in his dreams every night. Now he was even starting to see his friends standing in front of him, burnt and crying that he could have saved them. He felt alone, and yet he never truly was.

**Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me**

**And after all, you're my wonderwall**

**Today was gonna be the day**

**But they'll never throw it back to you**

**By now you should've somehow**

**Realized what you're not to do**

**I don't believe that anybody**

**Feels the way I do, about you now**

Reita had been told today that he would not be able to see his love ever again. He fought and argued as much as he could, but he couldn't ignore the facts that they presented him. Every time Reita would visit, it would bring Ruki right back to that night, hindering him from recovery, even making it worse. Now he was sitting there with his love in his arms as the former-vocalist told him of the horrors he witnessed every day. Reita could never imagine what that must be like.

**And all the roads that lead you there are winding**

**And all the lights that light the way are blinding**

**There are many things that I**

**Would like to say to you but I don't know how**

He couldn't tell the other that he would never return. He didn't want to upset him even more. He wanted the other to recover, to be able to live his life again. Even if that meant Reita himself couldn't be in it. And maybe one day, he could be the one to save him.

**I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me**

**And after all, you're my wonderwall  
**

A/N: Short and not-so-sweet


	13. DISASTER (MiyavixMaya)

**How should I say,**   
**That I never wanted anything to change**   
**If I rearrange the pieces of broken down faith.**

He looked over at his wife, lying beside him. Her swollen stomach held their future child. He knew he did the right thing, but was it really? Nobody knew, except the two of them, but even she didn't understand. He said he loved her; he had said that the one night, too. He didn't mean it then, and he wasn't sure he meant it now. He had someone else. He was happy with them. She moved closer to him, and he instinctively wrapped a tattooed arm around her. What was he doing with his life?

**Do you believe in me?**   
**Because I'm not sure**   
**I believe in anything ...anymore**

Maya lay in bed, thinking about the past. The one song repeated on his Ipod over and over and over. The tears falling down his cheeks didn't seem to want to stop. It was late, and he had yet to fall asleep; just like every other night for the past two months. Ever since he heard the news online, he hasn't been able to do anything. Why didn't Miyavi tell him himself? He had to find out through online sources! Did he really mean that little to him? He sobbed more into his pillow as the song started over. _"Itoshi Hito....."_

**Pick up the pieces and**   
**Make me understand**   
**Why we can't move any faster?**

Miyavi stared at the screen showing their baby. He just stared. What was he supposed to be feeling right now? This was why he had changed his life around, but he was supposed to be happy about it? It was his choice, and not the baby's fault. He knew that. It was just this little innocent thing; that didn't know anything going on in his head. He was going to be a father to this kid. This little....girl, did they say?...This little girl was going to be calling him 'dada' soon. Tears came to his eyes; his wife mistaking them for happy tears. He didn't want his life to change this quickly, this dramatically. He didn't want this now.

**Losing all demand,**   
**I've broken all my plans**   
**This year was a disaster**

Maya stared at the planes as they took off. He was lying on the hood of his car, watching all the planes take off. It was something he and Miyavi would do all the time. Now he did it alone. _One day Maya, we'll fly somewhere really cool together and get away from it all. A little vacation just for the two of us. _Miyavi's words still rang in his head. He had promised that; it was plans they had made together.

**What should I do?**   
**When I never thought anything would come true**   
**The solution for the broken down abuse (abuse)**

Miyavi knew he was being unfair to Maya. They hadn't spoken since the break-up. It had only been a fight, but they were drunk and it seemed worse at the time. Miyavi was upset and found solace in her arms. It was only supposed to be a one night thing. He had woken up the next morning not knowing what would end up happening. How this one mistake would change his life; he couldn't have known.

**I'm waiting for the fading floor  
To let me fall on through**

Maya had been upset with Miyavi when he was told what he'd done. Miyavi had looked so upset; he knew he felt bad, but he was so angry. Their fight hadn't been that bad and yet he found it reason enough to cheat on him; and with her?! He had broken up with him on the spot, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn't want to lose him over this. He had called Miyavi up a month later, but the tattooed man refused to take his calls.

**I'm getting closer  
To letting go, letting go of you**

Miyavi had accepted what his mistake would do, and he let it be. But soon, Maya had started calling him. He wanted desperately to take the call, and for all to be forgiven, but after the news he had received that day...he couldn't. He couldn't pick up that phone and pretend that all could be forgotten. It couldn't...not ever again.

**Pick up the pieces and**   
**Make me understand**   
**Why we can't move any faster?**

Maya had given up on sitting by idly. He was going to email Miyavi, so that he had no choice but to read his apology and hope he came back, but when he signed in, the first email caught his eye. It was from a popular Jrock news community: _SOLOIST MIYAVI MARRIED – MELODY EXPECTING! _Maya's heart stopped. He clicked on the email and read it over, and felt tears falling again. He had moved on already. Was this why he was avoiding his calls? Why wouldn't he tell him this himself? Maya deserved that much! He picked up the computer and threw it against the wall; sobbing.

**Losing all demand,**   
**I've broken all my plans**   
**This year was a disaster**

Months went by before Miyavi found himself sitting in a hospital, holding onto his daughter. She was so tiny, he felt like she could break so easily. Looking up at his wife, he smiled at her. Despite everything, he was feeling really happy right now. He didn't expect to feel this way, but holding his daughter in his hands, he felt such happiness. He was her father and she was his daughter. His life had changed, but was it really so bad?

**What you don't know**   
**(I walked on the ledge)**   
**Will only make this worse**

Miyavi knew he had to clear things up with Maya. Somewhere in him, he knew he still loved the man, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He had a family; a wife and a daughter, who both depended on him. But Maya deserved an explanation. So he ended up standing outside the blonde's door, staring at it, not sure what he was going to say.

**What you don't know**   
**(I saw the edge of my future)**   
**Will only make this worse**

When he answered the door, he wasn't expecting to see the lanky vocalist outside. He was stunned into silence, and the man didn't seem to know what to say either. Instead, they sat at Maya's table, sipping tea quietly. Maya studied the man. He had changed so much in so little time. He no longer had the lip piercing Maya had been so fond of. He'd also grown out his hair. He liked it, Maya decided. Despite all this, Maya noticed more how aged Miyavi seemed to have gotten in the past nine months. He was still the man he loved, but he was still different. _Mature...._

**What you don't know**   
**(Being held back by the past)**   
**Will only make this worse**   
**What you don't know**   
**Will only make this worse**

"I'm sorry" Miyavi's apology seemed so heartfelt, but at the same time Maya couldn't find anything in the words that said he was coming back to him. But why else would he come here? Just to say he was sorry? Was that it, really? But could he really expect more from him? He has a kid now; responsibilities. He can't be wild and immature with Maya like they were before.

**Pick up the pieces and**   
**Make me understand**   
**Why we can't move any faster?**   
**Losing all demand,**   
**I've broken all my plans**   
**This year was a disaster**

In the end Miyavi left, feeling that what he needed to do had been done, and yet he felt even guiltier than before. He had seen Maya's face when he explained that he was happy; true or not it needed to be said. He didn't want Maya to carry on thinking about him and not able to move on. He needed to stay with his wife and child. They needed him and the more he thought about it, he needed them too. He loved his daughter, and the more he thought about it, the more he was starting to realize his feelings towards Melody.

**Pick up the pieces and  
Make me understand**

He knew that Maya and their time together would be forever in his heart; he loved the man, and still did. However, that was in the past, and it needed to stay in the past. Maya understood that, too. Even after Miyavi had left, Maya's tears still fell, but he felt relieved. Miyavi had finally came and talked with him. He deserved at least that. While he didn't get his love back, he found solace in knowing that he was happy. He sensed the other was unsure about some things, but the love for his daughter was evident.

**Why we can't move any faster?**

Maya knew of Miyavi's wish to have a family long before they had broken up. It was something Maya himself could never give Miyavi for a few different reasons. Now he had that which he wanted, and unfortunately it didn't include Maya anymore. It was sad, but Maya felt he could start to move on, and at some point he and Miyavi may still be friends.

**Losing all demand,**   
**I've broken all my plans**   
**This year was a disaster**

Miyavi had pulled over onto the side of the road. Instead of feeling content and relieved as Maya did, he felt tortured. His one love in his life had slipped out of his grasp and try as he may, and despite how much he cared for Melody and loved his child, he knew he would never again have that love. _Maya...Maya my love...tell my why...is this my life? Can it not just be a lie? A dream, where I wake up and you are beside me once more...? _Miyavi sat there on the side of the road, crying into the steering wheel. His heart was broken; would it ever heal? This year....he entire life had turned into something he could have never seen coming, and nothing felt right about it anymore...but he had no choice....did he want one? Would he have really taken it if there was one? Did he have the courage? Somehow he doubted himself now more than ever... He had burned bridges, and he would never go back. He never would....


	14. HUNT (RukixUruha)

/Animals – One Republic\

**Baby I'm preying on you tonight  
** Hunt you down eat you alive  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals 

**Maybe you think that you can hide  
** I can smell your scent for miles  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals  
Baby I'm 

Ruki loved to watch him. Every flip of the hair. Every shoulder roll as he would lick those perfectly plump lips. It drove him crazy, watching the movements from the corner of his eyes. The crowds cheers at the end of the song brought Ruki's attention back to the large mob in front of him. Thousands of people there to see them perform. He grinned a bit, his eyes scanning the crowd as their roar grew louder. It was almost time.

**So what you trying to do to me  
** It's like we can't stop, we're enemies  
But we get along when I'm inside you, eh  
You're like a drug that's killing me  
I cut you out entirely  
But I get so high when I'm inside you 

His eyes watched Ruki whenever the vocalist turned away from him. He knew how often the man's eyes watched him as he played. He knew the song as it started would bring Ruki back towards him. He knew what was to come. It was all planned, of course. Written into the set list like a carefully calculated move, it was for the fans. Even a few seconds would drive them crazy, but it would only frustrate Uruha.

**Yeah you can start over you can run free  
** You can find other fish in the sea  
You can pretend it's meant to be  
But you can't stay away from me 

As he stood beside the honey blonde, Ruki hooked his arm around and rested his hand on Uruha's chest. He could feel the other man's heart beat through his shirt, and it fueled him. It was time. The crowd also knew what was coming, and it made Ruki grin. The break in the chorus came and he pulled Uruha's head back, kissing him quickly. It wasn't more than a second long, but it was enough for the screams to erupt from their fans. Ruki himself was always disappointed that it wouldn't last longer, but anything more than that and his band mates would know something was up. He kept his fascination with Uruha to himself.

**I can still hear you making that sound  
** Taking me down rolling on the ground   
You can pretend that it was me  
But no, oh 

Uruha wanted nothing more than to wipe his lips off, the lingering taste of the other man overwhelmed him. _Why did it always have to be him?_ Couldn't Ruki bother one of the other's sometimes? Of course, he knew that Ruki's attentions towards him were not just for the fans. He'd seen the way the shorter man's eyes would linger on him while on stage, and it made him uncomfortable. Years went by and it kept getting worse. More intense. And it had become such a part of their show, how could he possibly say no?**  
**   


**Baby I'm preying on you tonight  
** Hunt you down eat you alive  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals 

After the show, the band went backstage to wind down, but Ruki's eyes never left the honey blonde as Uruha went off to the bathrooms. The vocalist, still dripping in sweat, walked after him. Licking his lips, he watched the way Uruha's shoulders tensed as he realized Ruki was following him. Ruki smirked, his eyes narrowing a bit in anticipation. He couldn't help but chuckle as Uruha changed his mind and moved past the washroom door. _Eager to hide?_

**Maybe you think that you can hide  
** I can smell your scent for miles  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals  
Baby I'm 

Uruha's heart was racing. Was he still following him? He turned one way after another down the maze of halls at the venue, but Ruki was impossible to shake. Eventually, he darted through a doorway, blinking as he found himself standing outside. The cool breeze made him shiver as the sweat on his skin chilled. Turning around, he looked back at the door. _Would Ruki be coming through that door? Or did he escape the hunter?_

**So if I run it's not enough  
** You're still in my head forever stuck  
So you can do what you wanna do, eh 

Ruki looked at the door. The prize was on the other side, and he was eager to reach him. But he did so enjoy the hunt. He paused a moment. If Uruha wanted to run, he could try. He'd give him a moment. Licking his lips, he stared at the door, but pushed it open seconds later. _Fuck that..._

**  
** I love your lies I'll eat 'em up  
But don't deny the animal  
That comes alive when I'm inside you 

"Ruki...you found me..." Uruha's voice shook a bit as he saw Ruki. His hands trembled, and he found himself biting his lip. _Could the hunt really be over that quickly?_

"You never do hide very well..." Ruki's voice chuckled deeply as he moved towards him, the stare never wavering from Uruha. It made the honey blonde shift a bit, and look around. "Although, outside is a new one..."

"We shouldn't...anyone could walk by at any time..." Uruha tried to stop Ruki with his words, but the smaller man was already _ready for the kill._ Uruha swallowed nervously. "R-Ruki..."

**Yeah you can start over you can run free  
** You can find other fish in the sea  
You can pretend it's meant to be  
But you can't stay away from me  
I can still hear you making that sound 

Ruki lit a cigarette as he watched Uruha pull his shirt back on. Smirking a bit, he stopped the guitarist and looked at his back. Tiny scratches covered his back, red and irritated. Ruki chuckled.

"That brick really did a number to you....we'll have to put some cream on that later..." Looking to Uruha as he turned around, he took the cigarette out of his lips, and put it between the other's pouty bruised lips.

**  
** Taking me down rolling on the ground  
You can pretend that it was me  
But no, oh 

"Ruki..." Uruha whined, but took a drag, letting the smoke out slowly. "You know I love this game...but outside really was reckless..." He looked over at his lover, annoyed when Ruki just laughed a bit. "Seriously...someone could have walked by at any time..."

"You're the one who came out here...I thought I was just supposed to 'hunt' you down to the bathroom? What's wrong with that room?" Uruha huffed.

"It's always so cold in there..." Uruha pouted, "Besides, I didn't mean to come out here but you were moving too quickly for me to be able to think clearly....do you know how hard it is to pretend to run away from you when all I want to do is be under you?"

Ruki laughed.

**Baby I'm preying on you tonight  
** Hunt you down eat you alive  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals 

**Maybe you think that you can hide  
** I can smell your scent for miles  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals  
Baby I'm 

Ruki put his stage clothes away as the band got ready for bed. The tour bus was quiet; the other guys already fast asleep by the time he and Uruha had returned. Changing into his nightwear, he quietly went back to Uruha, who was still sitting out in the common area. Sitting next to him, he stroked the honey blonde's hair and smiled.

"Something's on your mind..."

"Ruki...can't you do the fanservice with someone else during the shows?" Ruki blinked, surprised and looked at his lover.

"Wouldn't you be jealous?"

"I mean, maybe a little...but I know you're not into the other guys.." Ruki nodded a bit, pouting a bit. He really enjoyed the brief moments on stage where he could kiss Uruha in public. The guitarist was pretty strict about keeping their relationship a secret, and it annoyed the hell out of Ruki. Those little moments were all he got where he could be openly proud of having the guitarist to himself.

"If you wish..."

**Don't tell no lie, lie lie lie  
** You can't deny, ny ny ny  
The beast inside, side side side  
Yeah yeah yeah 

Uruha went to his bunk quietly after saying good night to Ruki. Of course, his lover wanted them to sleep together out there but there was no way he would allow that. What if the others got up before them and saw them together? It was far too much of a risk.

**No girl don't lie, lie lie lie (No girl don't lie)  
** You can't deny, ny ny ny (You can't deny)  
The beast inside, side side side  
Yeah yeah yeah 

Tour was the hardest, Ruki decided. When they were home, they were in the privacy of their apartments...whoever's they decided to stay at. Nobody would know, and they could share a meal...a shower...a bed, without Uruha feeling nervous that someone would see them.

He knew that Uruha was worried what it would do for the image of the band. He also knew that Uruha was terrified what his family would say. He understood, but that didn't make it easier for him.

But for now...their little game would settle him. A little rush, a little touch here and there. Sneaking away to hunt down his elusive love. For now, the little tastes would sedate him until they got back home. For now, it would keep his frustrations at bay. For now.

**Baby I'm preying on you tonight  
** Hunt you down eat you alive  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals 

**Maybe you think that you can hide  
** I can smell your scent for miles  
Just like animals  
Animals  
Like animals-mals 


	15. STRING (RukixFOC)

/One Little String – Jule Vera\

**Lost in the city with a mess in between  
So far away**

Audrey looked down at her phone for about the fifth time that day. She hadn't heard from her boyfriend in a couple days, and it was starting to annoy her. Touring was tough, and every time he went away with his band she knew she would have to readjust. The first few days were the worst. They had to get into the proper swing of things, and there was hardly any free time. That often left Audrey on her own for a good week before she'd hear much from Ruki.

Of course, she still got a nice little 'goodnight' message from him each night. But due to the time difference, she sometimes wouldn't actually see it before she went to sleep, and by morning he would be too busy to talk. Knowing how much his career meant to him, she really did understand that it was just part of being with a musician.

**Towers so tall, no sky to be seen  
Can't find your way**

That's why she was in Shibuya today. Desperate for a distraction, she'd hoped to find something special for his homecoming. Nearly three month without him deserved a special surprise and she knew exactly what she was planning. She'd already bought a brand new lace lingerie set, which was currently in one of the bags she was carrying. Along with some ingredients for his favorite dinner, she was fully prepared. _Now he just needed to message her..._she had no idea when he was due to return home tonight. She did briefly consider asking one of the other members, but if Ruki was busy then the others surely were as well.

**Oh, if you forget  
If you forget who you are, baby**

When she was first introduced to him through her friendship with Uruha, she honestly never thought they'd work together. He was a fairly grumpy guy who never really spoke unless it was needed. He barely took an interest in conversation with her, but focused hard on his work.

She did find him a bit mysterious, as the others swore he was the nicest guy. But in those first few days, she really just didn't see it. It wasn't until the third time she visited Uruha at the studio that she'd seen the change.

**You got one little string around your little finger  
** In case you forget, it's the way to remember  
When you get lost, go back and just follow  
Cause love is a maze and I'm broken hearted here 

Walking into the room, she was greeted with the usual 'good mornings' and 'hellos'. Smiling as she waved to the group, Audrey walked over to Uruha and handed him the coffee. She hadn't really expected the full band to be there today. It was Uruha's turn to record for their next album, and she was planning on being here for emotional support (and to peek at the new material).

"Sorry, if I knew you'd all be here I would have grabbed coffee for everyone." Audrey smiled as she sat down. Uruha chuckled at her and sipped his drink.

**Boy, you know better, don't be running away  
I see where you are**

"There was a bit of a change to the song we're doing today, so everyone is going to be here to fix up a few things. Ruki is just finishing up in the booth." Audrey nodded quietly and sighed. No matter how hard she'd tried, she just couldn't seem to get Ruki to even like her. He barely even looked at her most of the time. "Oh, speaking of which..." Audrey looked back over at his friend as he chuckled under his breath. "Apparently, Ruki thought we were dating...isn't that silly?"

**So stop, stop your hiding, won't you come out and play  
Stay with me, here in my arms**

Audrey blinked and smiled a bit. _Did he really think that?_ "I'm sure you set him straight on how I would _never_ date you." Audrey laughed as she playfully teased her best friend. She supposed it wasn't much of a stretch to assume they would be together, with how close they had become. But they'd known each other since childhood and the idea of any kind of romantic intimacy with Uruha felt unnatural. It just would never happen. He was her big brother in a way.

"Oh, you mean how you always beg and I turn you down?" Uruha shot back quickly, a grin playing at his lips as he played around with his guitar strings. Audrey rolled her eyes and smiled, but never got the chance to retaliate as Ruki came out of the booth.

"Hey Ruki, look who stopped by," Uruha spoke up, nodding towards Audrey, making her blush a bit. She looked to Ruki's direction and shrugged a bit, smiling politely.

**Oh, if you forget  
If you forget who you are, baby**

"Nice to see you..." She tip-toed around a conversation with the vocalist; she knew better than to try at this point. But what surprised her was the big grin that came across the blonde's face and the cheerful hello that followed.

"Audrey!" He surprised her even more when he hugged her. It was such a different person than she'd met the last few times, and she had no idea what to make of it. One glance at Uruha and she saw the smirk on his face.

It seemed silly now, years later that their relationship almost didn't happen just because Ruki thought Uruha liked her. She would never have guessed that his withdrawn demeanour was only because he liked her. After that, it didn't take long before he asked her out. It started with short dates to the cutest cafés Ruki always seemed to find hidden away. They would hide away in the quiet corners of these shops, sipping their drinks and laughing away. Audrey loved how easy it was for him to make her laugh.

After that, little gifts would appear at her door, all signed with little hearts. They spent nearly every day together, sometimes just idly wasting time at Ruki's house reading or napping. The others would comment on how quickly things seemed to fall into place with them, but Audrey barely even heard it. _She was happy...._

**  
** You got one little string around your little finger  
In case you forget, it's the way to remember  
When you get lost, go back and just follow  
Cause love is a maze and I'm broken hearted here 

Walking past the store fronts, she stopped in front a small store. The window was covered with different knitting projects, including some cute little stuffed animals and warm-looking scarves. She blushed a bit as she saw a ball of a bright red yarn. It brought back memories of the first time Ruki had to leave for tour after they'd gotten together.

They'd been curled up in Ruki's bed with Audrey's fingers idly tracing shapes on Ruki's chest. He was half asleep, worn out from their earlier celebrations, but hummed a bit to her as they relaxed. Audrey's mind was troubled, despite his attempts to distract her. Ruki would be leaving with his band the next morning for a month long tour, and she was nervous. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. Hell, he'd proven time and time again that she _could, _but still thoughts weighed down her mind.

Conscious of her faults, it was always a bit of a lingering thought that she would never be enough for him. That he was settling, and one day a pretty young girl would come along and Ruki would realize Audrey really wasn't that special after all. Not to mention all the doting fans that he would encounter. She couldn't really hold it against them. He was incredible. But could she really expect him not to enjoy that side of touring now that they were together?

**Follow it inch by inch  
He's slowly coming back to me**

"What's on your mind, Audrey?" The rough, half-asleep voice shook her out of the deep thoughts and she glanced up at her boyfriend quietly. For a second, she just took in the image in front of her. The pale, smooth skin of his chest, covered in a layer of sweat from their lovemaking and messy hair that shaded his eyes and clung to the sides of his face. _What if this was the last time she got to see him like this? Before he realized what he could really have, and she was left behind..._

Tears gathered in her eyes at that thought, and she pulled away so he wouldn't see them fall. In the back of her mind, she knew it was stupid to work herself up into a mess like this. Still, there were times when she couldn't help the negative thoughts that overtook her. Years of feeling like she wasn't good enough for anybody had taken its toll, and while Ruki took every opportunity to scare those thoughts away, it was a constant battle.

His hands moved over her back, soothing her in the way he knew best and Audrey sniffled a bit before shaking her head and speaking, "It's stupid... No matter how much I know you love me, I'm still scared." She couldn't even make eye contact with him, she felt ashamed for even calling into question his loyalty, but she couldn't lie to him! She never could. Ruki sighed behind her, his breath tickling her shoulder slightly. She sniffled again, willing the tears to go away.

**Follow it inch by inch  
To get where you're meant to be**

Ruki shuffled behind her and opened the drawer next to the bed, sorting through random items he'd thrown in there before pulling out a spool of thin red string he'd haphazardly through in after mending one of his stage outfits. Tearing a long piece off, he took Audrey's hand and tied the string on her finger in a cute, little bow.

Audrey looked down at her hand in confusion, before looking back to Ruki for an explanation. He chuckled a bit at her expression, moving some hair out of her face before kissing her softly. As always, his kisses settled the tears and her racing heart calmed momentarily.

"You know, it's been a long tradition that if there's something you don't want to forget about, you tie a string to your hand to keep you from forgetting..." Ruki spoke softly, nuzzling her neck with a small smile as he glanced at the little red bow. "Now you remember...no matter where I am in the world, or how lost you might feel, I'm coming back..."

**You got one little string around your little finger  
** In case you forget, it's the way to remember  
When you get lost, go back and just follow  
Cause love is a maze and I'm broken hearted here 

Audrey smiled a bit at the memory. It'd been a few years since that moment, and while she no longer felt the insecurities that she did in the early stages of their relationship, the reminder of that moment sent her heart racing once more. Unable to help herself, she went into the store to get Ruki one last present for their meeting that night.

Dinner was almost ready and there was a neatly wrapped box sitting in the centre of their kitchen table waiting to be opened. Ruki had messaged her about an hour ago that they were leaving the airport. There was quite a bit of traffic at this time of night, but she expected him to be home at any time. Audrey set the table up nicely and checked on dinner but nodding. _Ready..._

Checking the time once more, she lit the two candles on the table. Ruki always loved candle light...he told her once it felt more intimate and she had to agree. Glancing at the table, she smiled at how cozy it looked.

**You got one little string around your little finger  
** In case you forget, it's the way to remember  
When you get lost, go back and just follow  
Cause love is a maze and I'm broken hearted here 

Two arms wrapped around her waist at that moment and a big grin came over her face as she felt her boyfriend's lips touch her neck softly. Turning around, Audrey hugged Ruki tightly. The vocalist chuckled deeply and held her close, pressing his lips to her temple.

"Welcome home, love..." Audrey spoke softly, not yet wanting to let go of him, though relenting as he sat down at the table. Walking bit a bit more energy in each step; she brought over his dinner and sat down next to him. Instantly, his hand found hers and she sat contently with him, entwining their fingers.

"What's this?" Ruki asked with a small smirk, nodding towards the wrapped present still sitting in front of them. Audrey blushed and smiled.

"A little present, since I missed you so much..." Ruki's face broke out into a huge grin that made Audrey giggle. _His love of presents was still adorable..._

"Can I open it now?"

"Of course,"

Audrey watched as Ruki eagerly grabbed the box and set it in his lap. His half-eaten dinner forgotten, the painted nails dug into the wrapping paper and soon he was pulling a small plush Chihuahua out of the box. The little toy looked just like his own pup Koron, and it made him smile. His eyes looked down to the stuffed paw and saw a red string, tied into a perfect little bow.

**You got one little string around your little finger  
** In case you forget, it's the way to remember  
When you get lost, go back and just follow  
Cause love is a maze and I'm broken hearted here 


	16. SAVAGE (AoixFOC)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song for this one-shot is  
"Savage" by LIGHTS.  
It's crucial for this story especially that you have this song on repeat while you read it. Without it, it just isn't the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one really hit home for me. It's a true story. It's very personal. A situation I've struggled with for over a year to try and move past and the hope with writing this is that it will help me move on. And maybe if there's anyone who has also been in this situation, maybe they'll find some comfort in it. Or maybe it will help them as well. I don't know.

**I was hangin' next to you by a thread from so high  
We were heaven and the moon in the center of my eye**

When Samantha first met Aoi, it was instant _fatal attraction. _She’d come to support her friend Ruki. His band was performing for the first time with the new line-up, and she’d offered to do their stage makeup for the evening. It wasn’t like she was a professional or anything, but the boys were helpless. The group was full of energy when she came into the green room. Ruki waved her over and introduced each of the members to her. She bowed politely to them, but her eyes kept glancing back to the taller, dark haired guitarist. _Aoi..._

She remembered meeting him once before, though she was certain that he didn’t remember. It was so brief and they’d barely had a chance to introduce themselves. It was during one of the first few shows Ruki had with his band, before their new drummer. It was Aoi who had come out to give her the ticket for the show as Ruki was in the middle of a vocal warm up that just could _not_ be interrupted.

The meeting then was so quick, that Sam put it out of her head almost instantly and went to work. It didn’t take long to get through most of the guys. Ruki insisted on doing his own. He always was very particular about what he looked like on stage, and not even Sam was allowed to mess with that. When she got to Aoi, she smiled softly and they instantly fell into a conversation like they were old friends.

He was fun, and goofy. Sam found herself laughing more than she was even capable of doing, holding her side as it started to ache. It was just so easy to be around him.

****  
And now it shine on you  
And I would kiss your crown

Sam knew right away she would fall for him. It was just like her. As soon as she met someone, her sights went to them and only them. Her mind would go crazy with all sorts of little scenarios; some cute and some very, very dirty. It was a terrible habit, and she was aware of that. _This time, _she swore, _it wouldn’t be like that. _She could be friends with a guy without wanting him.

They would message each other every other day, usually just sharing music recommendations or funny stories. Sam wanted more though. She wanted to spend some time with this man. She was going in to get a tattoo she’d been saving for, and immediately she invited him to go with her. It couldn’t get out of control in a situation like that, right?

****  
And then out of the blue, you would cut me down  
Cut me down

He met her at the parlour and she waved him over. As cool as ever, even dressed casually, he sat next to her and looked over what she was going to have done. It was an old school zeppelin, something that had been drawn up for her by one of her favorite artists. Small adjustments had to be made for it to be tattooed properly, but she was still so excited. He shared in her excitement and sat with her, talking her through getting it done. She didn’t really need emotional support, but it was nice. This tattoo would be her seventh, and by now she was used to the pain. In fact, she kind of liked it.

He took pictures for her when it was done, and even treated her to a coffee. It was lightly raining outside, but still the walked down the busy city streets and talked. At this point, she couldn’t even remember what it was they were talking about so excitedly. It didn’t matter. She just enjoyed the time around him.

Still, the rain got heavier and they ducked into a nearby music store for shelter. It was a rather large place, with guitars all set up in a sound proofed room, and grand pianos were set up in the large back room. They wandered through but ended up sitting at one of the smaller pianos. Her fingers danced a bit over the keys and Aoi quieted down, listening to her play. She wasn’t playing anything in particular but had taken enough lessons to be able to create something on the spot.

It had been a while since she played, but she loved the feeling of once again sitting in front of the instrument. After that, they went into the room of guitars and Aoi instantly picked out an acoustic. They sat together quietly and Sam just watched him play. It was incredible how even when he wasn’t trying, his fingers moved over the keys like magic.

“What do you want to hear?” Aoi spoke up and glanced over at her. Blushing a bit, she thought quietly and thought quietly before picking one of the slower Gazette songs. Aoi chuckled a bit but played it. Samantha watched him happily, and even sang along a little bit. She didn’t like to sing in front of people, but she was comfortable with him. Even though she barely knew the words, it was a moment that really solidified her feelings.

Still, she refused to do anything about it.

**But when you hung up the phone and you blocked my number**  
I was alone in the rain and thunder  
I should have known when you sent me under  
I'm on my own and it made me wonder

Samantha was all dressed up, ready to go to the Halloween party that had been planned for months. It was a Halloween screening of _Rocky Horror_ and she was going with Ruki and Aoi. They had all decided to dress up in true spirit to the movie and her outfit was perfect. Her hair she’d temporarily dyed red and the yellow sparkled jacket and red bow stood out against the dull lights of her bathroom. She grinned and turned around a little, making sure that everything was in place. She, of course, was going as Little Nell. It was her favorite character from Rocky Horror.

The group met up at a bar across from the theatre and sat down to drink. Sam looked over at Ruki. He was dressed up as Frank-n-Furter, of course. The most diva-like character belonged to Ruki in any situation, and he could pull it off. Aoi, on the other hand, was dressed up like Eddie, and it made her heart go crazy. She wasn’t that surprised that he would pick the manlier role, but what got to her was that he picked the character that was with her own character. She tried not to question whether or not he’d done that on purpose.

**What do you do when a man don't love you?**  
He takes the sun from the sky above you  
How do you fix the damage?  
How do you break the habit?

The show was amazing, and Aoi and Sam had even gone up on stage to perform before the show. It was silly, but the host asked anyone who was willing to come up. Sam instantly went up, and Aoi followed closely behind. They had no idea what they were going to be doing. The announcer called out to the audience that they would be having a contest...a contest on who could _moan_ the best. Her mind raced a bit. She _could_ be embarrassed by this, _or_ she could play along and just have fun.

The first six people in line stood in place as they took their turn and Sam watched. They weren’t putting much effort into it, and she could only guess that they were embarrassed at the situation they’d gotten themselves into. Sam grinned and had a plan. Although in the back of her mind, she knew she was doing this for Aoi’s benefit, she refused to admit it. Maybe she would get him going with this, though she hadn’t even considered what she would do if it did have that effect on him.

Taking cues from the numerous vocalists she’d seen pull the same moves; she cleared her throat and made her way out to centre stage. Smirking a bit, she made soft noises into the microphone before dropping to her knees, her hand moving up her body. Letting herself tremble a bit from the nerves and excitement, she leaned back so her body was against the stage and arched her back, crying out louder into the microphone before it was suddenly over. Grinning, she returned to her spot and looked over at Aoi. He was grinning back at her.

“Do your worst.”

****  
I never knew you could be so savage  
So savage  
I never knew you could be so

They waited for the bus Aoi would take home. They’d drunk too much for him to drive, and there were no cabs to be seen. It was quite a ways for him to go by transit, and Sam considered in the back of her mind offering to let him stay with her, but she knew what would happen if she did. She’d end up sleeping with him. It may seem silly for her to hold on to the conviction of keeping them separate at this point, but she was really just trying to protect herself. Still, the feelings were there, but it was even more reason to keep her distance.

They were both pretty drunk and it being nearly two in the morning, the buses were only coming every forty minutes. She stood quietly, shifting in her shoes as she hummed. She felt Aoi’s eyes on her and glanced over at him with a smirk. “What?”

“Nothing, I just...I want to kiss you.” Sam was shocked, but also drunk. She laughed a bit and shrugged.

“Do it then.” _What harm could it do?_ In seconds, he was against her, kissing her, soft and deep. Their tongues met and she shivered a bit, but it was over before it had even been a minute. The bus pulled up and Aoi got on, waving a bit to her as it drove off. Standing there, she was quiet. _Her heart was already his._

**So just say it like you mean it  
Won't you scream it out like it's religion?**

Sam was at another one of the Gazette’s shows. It was a small venue, but it was kicking off a country-wide tour. After this show, the band would leave and drive to the next city right away. Of course, Sam was there in the front row. She was now their biggest fan, if she wasn’t before. She’d even brought her camera and tried to take a few good shots for them to use while they were gone.

She probably would have gotten more if she hadn’t been so distracted watching Aoi on stage. He was so devilish and seductive up there. Instead of taking the photos, she moved back to the merch booth and sat down. Once again, the guy they’d hired to sell their merch had disappeared. So, she stood up and took over. She’d sold quite a few things and even got a few new fans signed up for the mailing list by the time the band returned.

Aoi was being followed by another woman. Sam watched as they talked before going over and smiling at him. “Great show, Aoi!” She hugged him before pulling away. Looking over to the girl, she remembered her from earlier, having sold her a couple shirts and their most recent CD. She’d also asked Sam if she would be able to see the band to have it signed.

“I see you found them. Did you get your CD signed?” The girl nodded and smiled.

“Aoi-sama was just telling me about the tour they were going on...” Sam frowned a bit, thrown off by the use of the honorific but let it go. After all, she wasn’t with Aoi. If he was going to hook up with a groupie, it was none of her business. She went and sat with Ruki for a while, watching the other band’s on the roster perform.

“Did you enjoy the show, Sam?” Ruki asked her, and she nodded but glanced back over towards Aoi, who was now alone again. She excused herself and went back over, though at this point she really didn’t know why.

“Your friend left already, Aoi?” He looked at her and nodded, going outside with her as he lit a smoke.

“She wasn’t really a friend; she’s just a friend that wouldn’t leave me alone.” Sam nodded, and was a bit relieved. She bit her lip as she stood with Aoi quietly, her mind racing. _What was she doing?_ Was it possible that maybe she _could_ trust him? She hadn’t felt this comfortable with a guy in a long time, and it was making her second guess her previous convictions.

****  
You were the priest and the prophet  
You were my scripture, my conviction

The tour was only two months long, but she and Aoi would talk almost every day through texts. He would complain to her when living in the small bus with so many other people got to him. He would send her pictures of where they were, including one of all the guys sitting on top of the van smiling at the camera. That one confused her a bit, as the comment that followed it was a bit odd, but she never really thought much about it.

**But when you hung up the phone and you blocked my number**  
I was alone in the rain and thunder  
I should have known by the flame I'm under  
I'm on my own and it makes me wonder

They would be home soon. There was only one more show for the tour and it was in the next city over. Sam actually used to live there and had decided to make the trip up to go see her friends play their final show. Everything was booked. The bus ticket, the hotel room (she wasn’t sleeping in a stinky bus). She hadn’t even told anybody she would be there, except for Ruki. She’d even told Ruki it was a surprise for Aoi, though in her mind she was still telling herself it was a surprise for the whole band.

Her stomach was in knots. She knew what she was going there to do. She would take the step and push the boundaries with Aoi. By this point, she was certain he felt something for her, too. It didn’t have to be much. They didn’t have to start dating, or even necessarily be exclusive. But she knew she wanted more, and she was certain he’d been hinting at that, too.

The night came and she surprised them all. Ruki had kept the secret well and chuckled a bit when the band was surprised to see her. Aoi seemed the most surprised, and was a little quiet as he looked at her. She just smiled shyly and shrugged. She sat at the merch table again as they did their show, watching the way they all changed on stage. It was as if they were different, more ethereal beings. Her happy place had always been at a concert and this was no different. 

**What do you do when a man don't love you?**  
He takes the sun from the sky above you  
How do you fix the damage?  
How do you break the habit?

The rest of the night went just how she had imagined. The show...the drinks...the walk back to her hotel. They both knew what they were going there to do, but they hadn’t really said it out loud. When they got back, they both just laid on the bed for a bit. She showed him some work she’d been trying to finish. The mood seemed pretty relaxed.

“Sam, why did you get a hotel room?” She looked at him, confused.

“Well, I didn’t tell you guys I was coming. I didn’t want to get stuck without a place to sleep.” Which was true. Of course, she had figured they would sleep together. She’d prepared for that. But that wasn’t why she’d gotten the hotel room. In fact, she’d pushed back her feelings so long she would have let him take her in the venue’s bathroom had that been the only option. Her answer didn’t seem to convince him though, as throughout the night and next morning he would ask her the same question again.

****  
I never knew you could be so savage  
So savage

**I never knew you could be so savage  
So savage**

The sex was great. He was incredible. There hadn’t been anything like that for her before, but then again she’d never really had an opportunity to sleep with someone she actually _cared_ about like this. There had been a few drunken hookups, and the one time she slept with her best friend in high school _just to get it over with. _But this was different. She felt more. It was more intense and her whole opinion on the act had changed. Before she hadn’t really cared much for it, but clearly that was just because she’d never really had a _truly great_ experience.

**Oh, in a flash flood of cruelty  
You washed the ground out from under me**

The next morning was completely different. He was quiet. There were no little glances, or even the casual talks they always had. It was just awkward silence. They met up with the rest of the band and they all drove back home. The whole ride there was no little touches. In fact, he seemed to be doing his best to not even look at her. Reading on his phone or pretending to sleep, she felt isolated in the bus. The rest of the guys seemed to sense it, but weren’t surprised. Not even Ruki looked shocked, though he did look at her with pity.

****  
And, oh, you were through with me  
I was swept away

After that, she never heard from him. There was no explanation from him. She’d heard from Ruki for the first week after. He’d asked her if she liked Aoi. She wasn’t about to lie to her friend, and responded honestly. That she _did_ feel like she trusted Aoi. That something_ could_ happen between the two of them, and that she hoped something _would _happen. Ruki had been quiet on the other end of the phone for a while before breaking her.

“You shouldn’t. Trust me, Sam.” But of course, it was too late. She hung up the phone and cried. She hadn’t needed a relationship. She hadn’t even needed love. But to have someone care about her at all, in whatever way they were open to giving would have been enough. Whatever they had, it was enough. That was gone now.

**What do you do when a man don't love you?**  
He takes the sun from the sky above you  
How do you fix the damage?  
How do you break the habit?  
I never knew you could be so savage  
You could be so savage  
You could be so savage  
I never knew you could be so savage


	17. VISION (Yuuki[Initial'L]xRFC)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *RFC = Requested Female Character*
> 
> **This is a request from XinnieMinnie118 and I gotta say I really fell in love with this band which writing this, so thank you girl haha**
> 
> ***The song for this is VISION by Initial'L, which I really encourage you all to listen to while reading this. I've included the ENGLISH TRANSLATION for this song into the fic. It's not a perfect translation because I'm still learning and haven't been in class very long. I spent a couple hours listening to this song and considering it's English translation before I began writing this, so I truly believe that the best way to enjoy this is to both listen to the song AND consider the translation.***
> 
> ENJOY!

**Awakened Body Feeling overflowing**

**The tears that cry black are Memory?**

**Midnight is so deep that it melts down**

**If you die here, squeeze out VISION**

Yuuki felt the heat of the stage lights on him as he performed. The energy in the room was mediocre, but a few dedicated fans were ramping up the event enough to make it worth it. Moving around the stage was a lot easier when there were eyes following him. There had been far too many shows at the beginning of his career where nobody knew who they were or why they were there. Having this kind of energy at a show like that was _difficult_.

Starting on their final song, he grinned back at his band before he jumped into the audience, singing with them. He grinned as the crowd grew, eager to be involved in the finale. Jumping during the chorus, he grabbed on to one of the girl’s hands in the crowd. It wasn’t anything too unusual. In fact, it was the best way to end their shows when they were at the smaller venues. The intimacy between the band and the crowd was thrilling. If he was to die, he would want it to be in this moment; the happiest place he could imagine.

**This world seen from the gap**

**Has anyone ever drawn SO once?**

**The shining future**

Xinnie spent her first night of her trip to Japan at a concert. _Was there really any better way?_ She didn’t really know who the band was, but they put on a great show. She’d have to check them out when she got the change. _They had a new fan on their hands, that’s for sure. _After the show, the band was meeting fans at the bar, but the energy at that point had gotten so crazy, she needed a moment of quiet.

It was dark outside but it didn’t matter. There was so much music still coming from the venue, but at least it was a little calmer outside. She would go inside in a moment and maybe see if the band had a CD for sale. The crowd was pretty happy by the end of the show; she wouldn’t be surprised if they sold out tonight. Thinking about that, she turned to go back inside and ran right into a strong chest. Looking up, she instantly recognized the man as the singer.

“O-oh my, I’m s-sorry.” His voice was different when he spoke and it surprised her. Smiling softly at him, she nodded.

“My fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going. It was just a little crazy in there with all the...well, anyways,” She spoke, but quickly caught herself. It was best not to say anything that might offend him. Besides, he was _really _good looking.

“Yeah, fans are insane sometimes, but it’s great.” He laughed a bit and sipped a can of what she assumed was beer. Leaning against the wall, he glanced over at her. “What’s your name?”

**My heart woke up on a rusty night**

**I don't need regrets**

**Never again a miracle My Dream**

Yuuki watched the girl as she spoke. She didn’t seem to react to him as many of the other fans did, but he remembered seeing her in the crowd. It was interesting, being able to have a real conversation with someone. The screams and stares were nice as an artist, but it wasn’t actually for him at all. To them, he was like a favorite character in a book. The emotions were there, but they were for a character that didn’t truly exist. That person was merely someone they’d created in their head. It worked for the band, but it did make their lives lonely; especially for Yuuki.

She’d introduced herself as Xinnie, but with his accent it was difficult to try and pronounce properly. She’d even laughed a bit with him as he’d tried, but eventually gave her name as Alex to make it a bit easier on him. _He’d eventually get it, though. _

They laughed as he kept trying, but he stopped as a swarm of fans came out the door and only grew louder as they saw him standing there. _Time to go._

“Come on,” He spoke quickly and grabbed her hand. He wasn’t going to get go of the first _real _person he’d met in a while. Not that easily, at least. Running off, Yuuki darted into an alleyway, and hid with Xinnie behind a large truck. The girls all ran past the alley and the vocalist relaxed. Looking back to the girl, whose hand he was still holding, they both laughed at how close it had come.

**So as not to be dyed on an unbreakable night**

**Because any thorny road can walk**

**Without looking back My Life**

Her first encounter with Yuuki turned into many. He became her unofficial tour guide as she wandered the streets of Tokyo. He took her to all the biggest tourist spots like Senso-ji and Ueno Park. Of course, she’d taken many pictures – even a couple selfies with her new friend. They’d gone together to Ginza district – somewhere she’d been very excited to go. They’d shopped and Xinnie left with many new and precious knick-knacks to bring back home, of course grabbing some gifts for the family she’d left behind.

Yuuki was very kind to her, but not without being a little cocky at times. He had a bit of a dirty mind, which often came out when they were joking around, but it didn’t bother her as much as she thought it might. He was genuinely funny.

He’d shown her _true_ Kabuki theatre, which left her in awe not just because of something so traditional from a culture she’d grown to love, but because it was that night that he’d first kissed her. She was watching the program when he’d simply turned her head and kissed her. His soft lips pressed against hers and broke her from a daze and shocked her in a completely different way. Of course, it only took her a moment to realize what was going on and kiss him back, resting her hand on his wrist gently. The theatre was completely forgotten in that moment, but her nerves were going crazy. 

**This vision**

**Ramped Noisy Unstoppable Crazy**

**Melody in the dark?**

**Nothing to believe**

**If you still live, find out VISION**

He had no idea what he was doing even getting involved with someone like Xinnie. She was only in Japan for two months for a summer holiday. Soon, she would be gone and he would be alone again, so why would he even bother? But he did so anyways, without even really caring that it would end in heartache. They had so much fun together. The tourist attractions were always a little annoying to him with the extra busy streets and confusion, but with her he didn’t even mind. The way her face would light up when she saw the traditional buildings and art was enough for him to brave the crazy crowds.

The night at the Kabuki theatre was something special. He’d been to them occasionally and enjoyed the shows, but that night he could only watch her. Her eyes were wide in amazement at just the experience of watching something so _traditional_. He loved how much she adored his culture. He couldn’t help himself but to kiss her that night. It didn’t matter that she would be leaving soon. He couldn’t just ignore the way he felt when they were together.

**Frozen fingertips**

**There's a time when it's cold and SO burns?**

**Even forget me**

**Jump out in the darkness**

**Continue to be engulfed in love and dreams**

**My Love I can't do alone**

Since that day, every opportunity they had would be spent hand in hand. They’d gone on the Ferris wheel, only to make out the entire time. At the sushi place on the pier, Yuuki fed her different types of Sashimi while _insisting_ she kept her eyes closed. That was an _intense _experience. Each time she tasted one she didn’t like, he would quickly kiss her and her mind would forget the distaste instantly.

He was always so goofy, finding different ways to make even the most ordinary things – like dinner – much more entertaining. Looking at him after she tasted the last one, and probably her favorite of the bunch, he was just grinning.

“That’s my favorite, too. Are you sure you’re not just tricking me into falling in love with you?” The stupid grin plastered on his face as he spoke made Xinnie laugh a bit. Putting some of the wasabi on her finger, she put it on the tip of his nose and laughed more. He glanced down at it with a small frown but laughing with her, shaking his head. “You’re a dork, you know that?” She just nodded.

“Yeah, but so are you.”

**Someone who wants to love rather than be loved**

**I ’m sure I ’ll have my own daybreak**

**My soul that never stops ringing**

The morning that Xinnie had to leave was dismal. It was pouring rain, which didn’t help the mood that hit the two of them when they woke up. Her flight wasn’t until the evening, but it already seemed like _goodbye. _ The first few hours of that morning were just spent in bed, exchanges small kisses and little touches, neither wanting to say what was on both of their minds. _It would be the last time. _

It wasn’t a surprise to either of them. With so much distance between the two of them, there was no other option. It hadn’t even been a conversation. Both of them knew it from the beginning, but neither expected it would be so hard now.

“Will you ever come back to Japan?” Yuuki asked quietly as his fingertips grazed against her bare shoulder. She sighed a bit, not sure how to answer.

“I suppose if another opportunity were to come, but it’s not easy. I have a life and family at home I need to get back to, and here I have...” She didn’t want to say nothing. It didn’t _feel_ like she had nothing. Still, was one person enough of a reason to change everything so drastically? Try as she might, Xinnie just couldn’t get it to make sense in her mind.

“Fair enough...well, if we ever tour near you...” She just nodded quietly. There was always that possibility, but would it really be any easier to see each other for just one night? “Hey...” He said, grabbing her attention. Looking over at him quietly, she smiled a bit as he kissed her sweetly.

“I love you...”

**My heart woke up on a rusty night**

**I don't need regrets**

**Never again a miracle My Dream**

The goodbye at the airport had been the hardest. He’d come with her, of course. He’d even bought a cheap ticket so they could sit together while she waited for her time to board the plane. They’d spent that time quietly, curled up together watching some silly show on his phone. Yuuki’s arm never left her side, keeping her close to him.

It was a nice memory, Xinnie thought as she sat on her plane watching it land. She felt numb the whole flight, but as the plane touched down the true pain of what had happened really hit her. Walking through the airport, it was hard to remain stoic. She hadn’t exactly told her family about the little summer love she’d found on her trip. It didn’t seem necessary. It could just be something for her to remember.

Xinnie sat with her bags as she waited for her family to pick her up. The plane had been early to arrive, and the traffic was apparently just _terrible. _She didn’t really mind waiting. She definitely needed the time to calm herself down. _At least it wasn’t raining here, _she thought quietly as she stared up at the sky.

**So as not to be dyed on an unbreakable night**

**Because any thorny road can walk**

**Without looking back My Life**

Her thoughts were interrupted as her phone rang. Looking down at the Caller ID, she expected it to be here family but was surprised to see Yuuki’s name on the screen. They’d decided it would be too hard on both of them to keep up communication knowing what they knew, so why would he be calling her?

“Hello?” She answered nervously, hoping it wasn’t bad news.

“Xinnie...” His voice made her heart leap, and she couldn’t help but giggle softly to herself at his attempt to pronounce the name properly, still having some trouble.

“What is it, Yuuki?” She asked quietly, tears already gathering again. _This isn’t fair, Yuuki. It’s too hard hearing your voice when you’re so far away. _

“Look, I...I know it’s hard but...I don’t want to just forget this summer. I don’t want to just forget you. If I have to buy you a ticket myself, I will.” She was quiet as she listened to him, the silence after that sentence grew and she could hear him sigh nervously on the other end of the call.

“So, you want us to...even with the long distance?”

“We can make it work. I love you.” She couldn’t resist and grinned a bit at that. A little bit of hope sparked inside her, and she sighed with relief.

“I love you, too.” She responded, grinning happily. “Let’s do it.”


	18. SHADOW (RukixReita)

**//Shadow – Britney Spears\**

**Your body's warm but you are not  
You give a little, not a lot**

**You could be Love, until we kiss  
You're all I want, but not like this.**

In the dark room, Ruki sat silently, crying. He had left. Ruki didn't think he would, but he did. One month to the day, Reita had walked out of his life and out of the band. Ruki knew it was his fault, but he couldn't bring himself to tell his band members what happened. He refused to leave the room. What else could he do, really?

There was nothing left for him if his lover was finished with him. Through all the fights, there was one thing that Ruki could count on, and that was the certainty that Reita would always forgive him. He would forgive Ruki’s insecurities and his nervous habits. He was so certain that no matter how many times Ruki would be scared of losing his lover, Reita would convince him it was all in his head.

**I'm watching you disappear  
But you, you were never here**

**It's only your shadow**  
Never yourself  
It's only your shadow  
Nobody else

To this day, Ruki refused to move from the spot. Not eating; barely sleeping. He couldn't imagine living without him. He kept seeing shadows, hoping that it was his lovely blonde, but it wasn't. It never was. The others used to come by and try to cheer him up. They didn’t understand though.

“Come on, Ruki. How about we go shopping? You can pick out anything for us and we’ll try it on for you, how about that?” Uruha tried his best. Usually an offer like that would have Ruki bouncing and ready to go. Now, he didn’t even respond. Curled up on the bed, he just stared at the door. It was one of many attempts.

“Ruki, I’m going to make you pancakes. Those are your favorite, right?” Kai grinned at him, hoping to get some sort of reaction. Ruki’s stomach had stopped arguing the lack of food after a while. The pancakes went cold that day.

**It's only your shadow**  
Here in the room  
Arriving to Late  
Leaving to soon  
Leaving to soon

Ruki heard the door open, but it couldn't possibly be him. It couldn't. Looking up, Ruki's eyes widened seeing Reita in front of him. He couldn't find any words to say, but felt Reita's lips on his. He kissed back, tears falling quickly, unable to think or do anything but respond to the kiss. His lover’s usually warm lips felt cold against his, but he didn’t even care. Ruki felt fingers touch his cheek, but as soon as he felt the touch; it disappeared.

Ruki opened his eyes, but the room was empty. His heart sank as he looked around, confusion and desperation written across his face.

“Reita?” His now unused voice was hoarse as he spoke, barely above a whisper. Fingers trembling, Ruki looked down. There was nobody there. There was never anybody there.

**Your body gives but then, Pulls back**  
The sun is, bright the sky is black  
Could only be another sign  
I cannot keep what isn't mine

**Your love still lingers on  
But you, you are almost gone**

One month. One month since Reita had passed and this was still happening to him. The first time it happened, Ruki spent the whole night searching the house. He was convinced someone was playing some cruel joke on him. He’d seen the body himself. He knew his lover was never coming back to him. The feeling of seeing him standing there that night was unbearable.

By the morning, Ruki was exhausted. A lack of sleep and emotional turmoil had taken what was left from him, but still he couldn’t sleep. He tried to explain what happened to his friends, but they just looked at him with _pity. _They didn’t believe him, but Ruki knew what he saw.

**It's only your shadow**  
Never yourself  
It's only your shadow  
Nobody else  
It's only your shadow

That was the first night. After that, Ruki didn’t sleep. He stayed up all night in hopes that the illusion – the trickster – would come back. He didn’t care who it was at this point. If they could give Ruki back his lover, even just for a moment, it was enough. At least, he thought so at first.

Days went by without another visit and Ruki stopped eating. He didn’t move from the spot, hopelessly devastated all over again. Ruki knew whatever he saw was nothing more than his broken heart hurting him. He didn’t want to surrender, but what else could he do? He’d planned to do it that night.

Weak, he’d closed his eyes for a moment to wait out the last few hours of daylight when it happened. Once again, he felt the cold lips against his and the soft touch of the fingers. His eyes shot open instantly and he saw Reita before him once more. He couldn’t utter any words, but the bassist just looked at him sadly. Ruki’s tired eyes couldn’t help but shut – just for a moment – but it was enough for the man to disappear once more.

**Here in the room**  
Arriving to Late  
Leaving to soon  
Leaving to soon

So he didn’t move. He didn’t sleep. He didn’t eat. Ruki just waited, hoping to see him once more, and he did. After that, the visits were more frequent. Every few nights, just as Ruki was about to give up hope, he would come. Just for a brief moment, he would give Ruki back the hope he was struggling to keep.

Every night Ruki would see his lover, standing in the doorway, wearing the same torn and bloodied clothes he’d worn that day. Every night Ruki would feel the cold lips against his and the gentle touch of his hand – just as Reita had done that day.

**How can I tell that you mean what you say**  
Your say it so loud, but you sound far away  
Maybe I've had just a glimpse of your soul  
Or was that your shadow i saw on the wall

_Ruki was angry. Once again, he was pissed off that Reita just didn’t understand. He could try and explain it all night long, but how could Reita possibly understand how hard it was for Ruki to trust someone? No matter how long they were together, he would always doubt. How could he possibly explain that it wasn’t Reita’s fault, but the result of Ruki’s long and painful past?_

_No matter how much Ruki asked him to just say what he was thinking, Reita struggled. Voicing emotions wasn’t really something he was strong at, but he did try for his lover. He really did, and Ruki knew that. But he just couldn’t put his insecurities behind him, forcing Reita to prove himself over and over again. But this time, Reita was more fed up than he’d been before._

_“I just don’t know what else I can do for you, Ruki. I’m at a loss. What do you want?” Reita’s voice shook with anger and desperation, wanting just one clear answer to their problems, for once, but Ruki had none. Looking at his lover, just as frustrated and at a loss for words, he just shook his head. What could he say? “Fine, Ruki. I’m out of here. We both just need some time away from each other. I’ll be back later.”_

**I'm watching you disappear  
But you were, you were never here**

**It's only your shadow**  
Never yourself  
It's only your shadow  
Nobody else

_Ruki didn’t want him to go. He wanted to just say ‘stay’, but he couldn’t get the words out. Reita looked at him, waiting for him to say it, but he couldn’t. His hands shaking, Ruki looked down. He could only think of how much of a coward he was. He could hear Reita walk over to him, but he just shut his eyes. _

_Still, Reita kissed him sweetly and touched his cheek. “I love you, Taka.” Ruki swallowed hard, but couldn’t respond and a few moments later he heard the door close. Reita’s bike could be heard as he left, but Ruki was stuck in place. His insecurities froze him to the spot and sealed his lips even when he desperately wished they didn’t. _

**It's only your shadow**  
Here in the room  
Arriving to Late  
Leaving to soon  
Leaving to soon

“Reita...” Ruki looked around, hoping that just this once, he would still be there. But how could he be? Reita was gone, and whatever he saw each night, whether it was a memory or a dream – maybe a ghost – whatever it was, it never lingered. It was never different. Each time, it just replayed that moment. The one moment Ruki regretted more than anything else in his life. And now, he didn’t sleep and he didn’t eat. He just waited for the moment where he would replay it over again. It hurt but he didn’t care. If even for a few seconds, even if it wasn’t real, he would have his lover back. Even if it was just a shadow, it was enough. Or so he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't really what this song is about, but it's what came to mind and it was just too heart breaking NOT to write.
> 
> Forgive me!!


End file.
